what if your child does not want to stay the night

[ellybelle]

If your little one does not want to stay the night ( re contact over night stays)what do you do..its traumatic. Also is it fair that just one child stays over ( as requested by partner).There are 2 children 3yr old and 6 month baby

I always insisted it was both together or not at all. Mine were 3 and 9mths. I'm assuming he doesn't want to look after the 6mth old? Is he a good dad? He maybe scared of the hardwork responsibilty of looking after 2 children? This week will be the first time that my youngest will go to her dads on her own (eldest on a residental visit) I'm not so worried now though as she's now 8 and very able to speak up for herself.

Exactly, too much work for him. Also i feel if they were to stay the night the 3 year old would feel better if the 6 month old was there too..like they werent isolated. But also is this too young for them.. what over night stays are reasonable...If they were 8 years old they can voice their wants and needs but a pre schooler and a baby...?

Well, giving him the benefit of the doubt, assuming you are the main carer, perhaps he needs to build up confidence having them both on his own? So, one first then next visit both to sleep over - seems reasonable.

In relation to your eldest not wishing to sleep over DH had that with his youngest a few years back and after DH and his EX doing a very traumatic handover, his little boy was fine within 5 mins. Sometimes the thought to a child of leaving its mum is very difficult but it is down to you both to minimise the trauma for them.

When it becomes a regular pattern your children will be very comfortable knowing what to expect and when.

The important thing is to get the ball rolling, so I'd insist the 3 year old goes (although it might seem traumatic I agree with Fruitysunshine, kids about that age do seem to go through a phase of being clingy at handover but my DSS was always fine by the time the car got to the end of the road) but also agree an age when the youngest will join him too. It's an opportunity for both children to get some individual attention but unfair in the long run. Is he seeing the younger one during the day to build/keep their bond?

suggest the baby stays over on own first, then the 3yo the next time, then both of them together.

unless there is a reason for the 3yo not to go I would be insisting that they do - my youngest (now 4.4, been separated 2 years) often doesn't want to go - but is fine as soon as they drive away.