Will daily sex cure a low libido?

[Lamazed]

here

Any thoughts? Experience?

I broadly agree with this article. I remember in my thirties only having sex every six months or somthing and xp and I decided to do it every day - within a couple of weeks it becomes a habit and it does improve the quality of life. With one big proviso - the woman at the end says she resented it because she felt she was just sexually servicing her husband - that's obviously no good, you have to make sure that women are getting orgasms too otherwise it is just sexual service.

But on the whole, in a functional, happy relationship, lots of sex is a good idea. In my relationship, it helped cover up the cracks which were there, which I'm not sure was a good thing, but OTOH I wasn't ready to dump XP at the time and at least I was having a good time once a day while I tolerated him...

I broadly agree with this article. I remember in my thirties only having sex every six months or somthing and xp and I decided to do it every day - within a couple of weeks it becomes a habit and it does improve the quality of life. With one big proviso - the woman at the end says she resented it because she felt she was just sexually servicing her husband - that's obviously no good, you have to make sure that women are getting orgasms too otherwise it is just sexual service.

But on the whole, in a functional, happy relationship, lots of sex is a good idea. In my relationship, it helped cover up the cracks which were there, which I'm not sure was a good thing, but OTOH I wasn't ready to dump XP at the time and at least I was having a good time once a day while I tolerated him...

Like most of this sort of Gret New Relationship Revelation guff, it's starting from an utterly heteronormative viewpoint and also insisting that all heteromonogamous couples are the same sort of push-button toys, when there are some couples who are happy with a pretty muchcelibate marriage, others who deal with the issue by agreeing that the higher-sexed partner can have sex elsewhere, others who agree a compromise on the amount of sex they are going to have...
And completely ignoring what is generally the biggest cause of the classic libido mismatch of the man being much keener than the woman - the fact that the man expects the woman to service him in every way including sexually, and the woman finds sex just another chore she has to perform for the man's benefit.
The cure for this is not for the woman to grit her teeth and open her legs more often, it's for the man to start doing his fair share of the housework.

at SGB- can always trust your views on these things!

That was meant to be a nice message btw

What if the libido mismatch is not the classic 'man being much keener than the woman', what if the issue is the oter way around, is the man the being used to service the needs of the woman or could it be a way of kick-starting intimacy? Or at the very least making a relationship tollerable for the time being?

Broadly agree with that as well SGB. I think I would have felt very differently about having sex every day, if I'd also been doing all or most of the housework. I did very little and was having orgasms, so it didn't feel as if I was doing xp yet another service.

Also feel that it fails to address why women are the ones who generally don't want as much sex - it is precisely to do with the sexual servicing angle.

The article doesn't talk about when men are the ones who don't want sex though. There are lots of cases where women are unhappy because their DP's aren't having sex with them, and it's not because the DP's are resentful of doing the housework. In most of the cases I know, it's because the relationship itself is completely toxic and the lack of sex is just another symptom of that, but it's not always the case - it is sometimes just mis-matching libidos.

Sorry cross posted lamazed

Some people simply have very low or non-existent libidos. If a person has always been less than madly enthusiastic about sex, then that's kind of just the way that person is (and there is something basically unethical about insisting they take drugs, have therapy, or are in some way 'trained' to be 'normal' - just as it would be unethical to reduce a person's libido with drugs, therapy etc against that person's wishes).
Certainly there seem to be quite a lot of men who are fundamentally lazy and quite happy to stop bothering with sex as long as the woman continues to cook and clean for them.
Of course, another cause of one partner in a couple being reluctant to have sex is that the relucant partner is gay or has a fetish that s/he is ashamed of and has therefore married in order to appear 'normal' but isn't very sexually interested in the marital partner.
Again, the root cause of a lot of this misery is the cult of heteromonogamy, which leads so many people into couple-relatinships that they don't need, don't want and then struggle to get out of.

agree that it could all be down to husband not helping enough around house. but it is true that the more you have sex the more you want sex.went through this myself and spent about 2 weeks feeling incredibly up for it all the time. husband eventually said he needed some rest as he felt worn out...so not true that men will never refuse sex.

Agree with SGB 09:59:58 post. There shouldn't need to be a cure for 'low libido' because it's not abnormal, anymore than a high one is.

If both of you are low-libido people, then you've learned how to value each other and be intimate in ways other than sex.

I mean, it's rather unimaginative and unoriginal to connect intimacy solely with sex, suggesting that if you're not having lots of sex, you're somehow not as intimate.

If that were true, well then, people shouldn't find emotional affairs at all hurtful.

As for his connecting sex with respect, I'm not even going to go there, but really, how immature and Madonna-whore.

Bit confused by the idea that sex is a reward for housework.... .

I think it does kick-start libido when the couple have simply become too busy for sex (eg, when kids are small) or got out of the 'habit'. I loved the test couple who dived off for quickies in the garden shed! (She also said she reached orgasm faster, due to the urgency of snatched sex amongst the flowerpots )

It won't put desire into a resentful partner, but it really does work when the problem is more of a lifestyle issue iyswim. Think about how many couples have great sex on holiday, when they feel they've got the time.

Penguin - no, that doesn't really work, it's more a matter of men who don't do housework being selfish and lazy and sexist, and this being a big turn-off for women, so the man who does his share is communicating to his partner that he cares about her, that he sees her as an equal rather than a servant, and this is a lot more sexually appealing than a man who expects sex because he's married or moved in with his partner.