wow! ex husband got married over the bank holiday and did not tell me or kids!

[Mummiehunnie]

He has done so many horrible things to the kids, it is just one in a long long tine, i again am left to pick up the pieces with them, they are in shock just now, with some anger and disappointment, he is unreal!

He has no contact with the kids after taking me to court to foce the wife on the children before they were ready, he left for her, and the kids did not like her, she was jealous and like a child, she has lots of issues, but I did bring them somewhere to see him recently that was out of his control, he gave them a dirty look, walked away with his back to us for an hour and refused to talk to them! This was mid May! My oldest went over to talk to him and he talked to her, he was livid at me, when he left the meeting he did not even look at them, just walked away!

He looks miserable in the wedding photos' and looks like he put on a stone in weight in the time between seeing him and the wedding! It was a lovely venue, he had a lovely outfit on, yet he could not button up the waist coat, and he looked bloated and uncomfortable, I have weight issues myeslf... It sounds like he has been drinking and gambling again the whole of the weekend, buying people and living to excess etc, he seems to need constant excitement, I am wondering if he is bi polar now, as when he was with me I am fairly boring and we had kids so I was not keen on that sort of stuff!

I kind of feel sorry for the wife as she looks so happy and full of hope and I know what she has to come!

!!! What a twunt! And I thought my father was an idiot! I don't know much of your back story apart from what you have written here, but wow, what an idiot. I promise you, your children will see him for what he is, and I do believe as long as they have you, and you can show them how to be civil, considerate and loving, they will turn out strong and kind. How old are your children?

ten and twelve, they are in a bit of shock right now, I was a bit dumb, I was in shock myself and told them when I found out, I should have thought it through, they are processing it at the moment as am I, I said it is ok to tell folk at school as they probably already knew long ago that it would happen, as his cousin lives local and is in touch with people we know, it is horrible to think all those people have been keeping secrets etc...

He is not a well man, he went to see a psychiatrist and they diagnosed adjustment disorder, he was threatening to kill me and all sorts, he was very abusive, he seems to live in fantasy land, and makes up lies, to the point that he took me to court and told lies, anyways the court case is over and he has no contact, he still making me go to finances court where the settlement will be what we agreed in first place, but he made me wait years, and trapped me in this house... he is not well...

Tbh, you are human, and you reacted. I actually would have welcomed my mother be honest and open with me at age 12 (to an extent), and us all working as a little team to get out the other end, together. Imo, they are old enough (12 is the same age I was when my parents divorced, I felt old enough to understand what was happening).

My advice would be to show you are annoyed/hurt/whatever, as that's just human, just your feelings, but don't slate him to your children, be civil, be loving, and know you'll all get through it. Your children will make their own minds up about him, and respect you all the more for remaining diplomatic.

It sounds like you are better off without him, as are your children. I do not understand men like this.

I think he has npd actually, possibly also bi polar disorder, he seems to be getting worse, he send dd1 a card with her in a dustbin about 9 months ago, this is just one in a long long list of odd things he does, sadly he is very carefull how he does it!

I actually don't feel anything but sadness fro the kids he did not let them know in advance, and for myself I feel relief and some sort of sadness for him and her, I can't believe it, I never thought I would feel like that about it, I just saw her happy hopefull face and I know him, and I actually think it will be worse for her as he seems more ill than ever now!

I just wish he would sort himself out and be a father, I am sad as I don't think he ever will be again, that is ok, I am used to it!

I just don't care really that he is married which surprises me, it just bothers me that he had no respect for the children etc...

DD1 in a dustbin???

I understand that, and yes, it a gross misjudgment not to tell his children something like this first. But the new wife, she should also be thinking it's a bit weird he didn't involve his children, no? That would be warning signs to me, how can she not see them???

Honestly, the children will see him for what he is, you just remain constant and loving and sane, and they'll know they have one strong, reliable parent, and they'll turn out fine.

P.S. Hoping someone a bit more useful than me will be along to offer extra advice soon!

i suspect he has npd, he tells lies, people buy it, the innocent get punished for his bheaviour, he projects his behaviour onto others and lies about himself and his behaviour, people probably think that I refused to all the kids to go or something and will have great sympathy for him, knowing his lies I bet that was the one he used!

yes he is odd, he seems to have had a breakdown jsut before and after leaving and it has gotten worse as time has gone on, he is more and more bonkers, i wonder why no one else can see this, maybe he was always this bonkers and I could not see it before...

I guess also to say that we don't know anything about her and she could be completely bonkers as well. Or have such low self esteem she is grateful for anyone marrying her and swallows any old junk about the children "MH wont let me see them, I've done nothing wrong I'm so aggrieved" From what you say about him, I doubt very much he would have ever told the truth " I threatened them all, massive tirade of violence" etc.

As I learned, there is just no accounting for other people especially when they have ( ahem) behavioural issues.

I agree the children are of any age where they can understand and I guess your role is to help them to do that as best as they can. I know you are strong so I know you can do this x

oh i know loads about her, here goes:

Abusive Dad and mum divorced when she as very young, three years fighting through courts, dad accused mum of being a bad mother, father did not support them. Father had no contact from 6 - 11, then died under mysterious circumstances aged 13! Father was alcholic. Mother then gravitates towards owning and running pub where she met another alcholic, he also abused them all till she was 18, Mother went bankrupt and got rid of him. Mother then went to do degree as social worker, now makes decisions on who is a good enough parent to adopt! Daughter went to do degree in psychology. Daughter seems to only have relationships with men who upon meeting her seem to suddenly have mental health issues! never before married or had kids! she is my age! As a child money was tight, mum worked three jobs, goodness knows why she did not go on social, it sounds like she did not want to be with daughter, she had two childminders a day and was bullied all through junior school for her looks. She seems to have reinvented herself in secondary, she had to move to where there was no one she knew from primary school.

From what kids tell me she is a hoarder, dirty and untidy, she is obsessed with food, shoes, handbags, wigs and dressing up. She is very immature and childlike, and very jealous of the kids, they have only met her the once when he insisted they spend three days with them over xmas after he had just moved in with her and not long left, he also had hardly spent any time with them and when he had he was ignoring them and neglecting them.

His parents were emotionally abusive and neglectfull, it is all around very very sad...

forgot to add also obsessed with alcohol

Sounds like the children are better off without the pair of them.

yes, sad though as you want a father for your children!

I think her boundraies are all over the place also, she did some odd things with the kids and made them uncomfortalbe, and tried to upset them kissing and cuddling their dad infront of them on the first day meeting them, she is just plain odd, and as 1 foot said, she was probably in her thirties and so despirate to get married she would take on a balding, fat, aged before his time, mentally unstable man with ex wife and children issues! His earning potential and position have a lot to do with it as well no doubt career wise!

I hate to think of all the sacrafices I made for him and his career in the hope that we would benefit later, she is getting all the benefit, maybe not, though as he is off his head totally now!

One thing makes me smile I always refused him something in bed going in the backpassage, I bet she allows it, and I bet that she is damaged internally from it, as he is so large, he is twice the girth of the average man, I measured it! That is the one saving grace I have that I never allowed him to do that to me, he did so much to me but never that!

Better no father than a toxic one. You know I truly mean that!
My mother wasn't interested in meeting anyone else, she was just happy to have her children, but there's nothing to stop you now meeting a man without all his issues, who can be an amazing father to your children. They definitely do exist - I found one!

LOL at your last comment! Thanks for WAYYYYYY TMI!

That last face was meant to be !