Im want it over

[OutOutLetItAllOut]

hi all, 1st time poster, so be gentle!
ive been married for 8 yrs, have 2 kids, sahm.
mine n ohs rel has never been gr8, we argue alot, and there are alot of underlying issues. both of us are pig headed, and neither of us like to back down.
recently we argue more than ever, we have major bust ups over nothing, and we can go days without talking. we never spend time toghter alone, and i am Very jealous of his friendships with other women, eps ones at work. as far as i know he has never physically cheated, BUT there have been friendships which i dont 'approve' of. ive tried to explain why and been ignored, then he has lied about the friendships, and when i have found out, it has made me feel even worse, so then there is even less trust. ( visciuos cycle)
he does nothing aound the house, and most the time thats fine, he works, im a sahm, but when he is off on the weekend or his days off etc, he does nothing then either. in the whole time we have been married he has NEVER, cooked dinner, taken the kids out for hte day, arranged somehting for us to do, ( night out or the like), changed the sheets, nothing. im fed up with feeling like im just here to serve.
i dont feel appreciated, or loved, i feel like were only together cause of the kids and the house. and if we didnt have those ties we would have been over yrs ago.
is it normal?? am i expecting to much? i know men arent great at seeing and doing, then need more direct orders, but im his wife not his mum.
i think it would be easier t be on my own, but i dont know how to end it.

hi, sometimes we can get in a routine of life that becomes boring and feel bogged down with everyday life that we feel the grass may be greener if on our own, i was just thinking what if you he may be feeling the same... why dont u arrange a babysitter and book a meal out together where you can both discuss issues that are spoiling relationship, arange to always have at least one night out a fornight/month to have adult time. his friendships with other women are prob because they have things to talk about other than home, kids,and the everyday mundane things we have to do in life. I think your relationship can be saved just needs a push in the right direction, dont rely on men to make all the plans take control in the sense of relighting the relationship... otherwise you may well loose him to another women, same thing happened to my best mate. unfortunatly men cant always make the effort its down to the women

I'm starting to realise the same thing, men are really quite useless!! I have told dp today that I expect to be able to do two exercise classes a week in order to get me out of the house and to meet other people, as the lonliness only adds to the resentment. If I make friends I will also expect to be able to meet up with them every so often. This Saturday afternoon is the first saturday in over 18 months I will have had away from either dp or dd and not being at work , I used to be such an independent soul!

So, you need some you time away from the house. You also need to organise something fun for the two of you. Do not leave it to him, unless he is uber organised, as it will be terrible (table not booked, spend the evening trapsing round hotels, end up in Nando's at 10pm, waste of a babysitter).

Relationships are so much harder than children, but I think they are worth it in the end

i agrre that you need evenings out together.
my hubby is always moaning that we never get to go out together...bugbear for him actually. but he leaves it to me to sort out babysitter, and i just cannot find anyone prepared to look after 3 little ones.
i however, you are able to find bsitter, do it, you neede to reconnect.

You are not expecting too much.

Complete bollocks that men can't see and do.

He doesn't bother looking or think to do it as he knows you will.

You have choices -

a grown up talk and listening session where you both say what is not working for you and what you want

or you carry on as you are

or you leave