Need advice, feeling very low

[IgnoranceIsBliss]

Ok. I feel like this is all my fault so can somebody give me a way to salvage my relationship with DH?
Slight background - been married to him since we were both 18, neither of us have ever had a sexual relationship with anyone else (you can stop laughing now).
We have been having difficulties getting a full night's sleep since DD stopped wearing nappies at night because she wants us to wipe her bum, so we are both a bit sleep deprived.
The thing is, the other morning I made a 'naughty' comment to him, and a few hours later (after I'd done a load of housework) he basically said "come on then, are we having sex", and when I said I'd need a bit more encouragement he got stroppy and complained because I don't normally care. When I explained that I was tired and could hardly keep my eyes open, he complained that he's tired too but he thought I was up for it because I made a comment earlier on.
We barely spoke for a few days, and now the way he's speaking to me it's like we're mates and that's it. Barely that. And he hasn't touched me at all, not even brushing against me as he passes.
I don't know if I'm being paranoid and I don't know quite what to do or say to bridge the gap. I'd say I'm upset buut mostly I feel numb. What should I do?

He's just trying to punish you because you wouldn't have sex at the time that he was ready for it - that's bullying in my book.

We have had this kind of silence between us before when he has been annoyed about something - it's the lack of touching that's most disturbing.
Thing is, we've haven't been very touchy feely for a long time. I think this is more the culmination of a long term problem rather than just this past week.

sound like you have basically bruised his ego...men have such huge egos!
you need to sit him down and explain that you love him and do want sex...just that it was an inopportune moment, and although you love him, you cannot just turn it on like a tap...some work has to go into it first.

Thanks mophead

If only it were so simple - I tried telling him that at the time!

I think a big problem is that I am now embarrassed of initiating things with him when I am in the mood. Honestly! What wife is embarrassed in front of her husband during sex? I do have Social Anxiety but FGS it's my DH, how do I tackle that?

i have been in this situation too...think most wives have at some time or another.
best advice i can give you is...have a glass of wine, wait till he goes to bed, follow him then jump his bones.
trust me...he will love it.
you are both feeling a bit embarressed at the moment. you just need to break this glass door between you...sex initiated by you will do wonders for his ego....which is what this is all about!

i'd suggest a "date night" with your DH if possible. Even if you can't go out because of childcare issues, just do it at home when DD is in bed. Get in some nice take-away, open some wine, and make the effort to dress up like you would for a date. Then just spend some time focusing on each other and relaxing, to help re-create the intamacy between you. Then hopefully the rest will follow.

Lol...good advice if I can find the energy to follow it mophead5.

This is part of the problem though fuzzypicklehead, we have older kids too who don't go to bed until late. We don't get time to ourselves unless it's in the daytime, and then only in the mornings five days a week. Perhaps we should have a Date Morning? I don't think it would be very often though as we always seem too caught up in 'getting things done' before DD gets home.

What time is late? We have two teenagers between us as well as a nine year old with special needs who I have to tend to throughout the night. There are also the demands of MN . But we make sure that all kids are chucked upstairs by ten and we have some quality time on our own after that. Can you try that?

I don't like the sound of your partner's sulking though- you need to make it clear to him that that is not the route to romance.

Yep. That's the problem once you've got kids, it's so easy to put their needs before yours that "grown up time" ends up at the bottom of the pile. That's why the key is to plan it as a date--doesn't matter what time of day. It just designates a time and space for you and DH to fulfill your need to reconnect.

Are the older kids old enough that you can send them upstairs for a while with a fun activity and an instruction to "do not disturb" because Mum & Dad are having a date? It seems weird at first but it's no bad thing to teach your kids that their parents need time to look after each other too. Good luck!

Thought I'd come back and say thanks for the advice on this thread...I think there is a bit of work to be done before I could get to Date Night stage although I think that would work in the long run.

As for the sulking...not even sure he is sulking! Read online about Aspergers Syndrome. He has Dylexia and Dyspraxia, and shows LOTS of signs of AS too. He has been talking to me more in the last 24 hours. Could be he's just allowing me to make the first move and doesn't know where he stands.

Nevertheless it doesn't solve the point that neither of us know how to approach the subject (or initiation) of sex. It also doesn't approach the other issues I am having problems with.

Anyway, thanks, as I said.

Realise this sounds a bit sad, but we got out of the habit of sex for a while (pregnancy, then general exhaustion) and it all got very awkward. I know this sounds terribly unspontaneous, but we found that fixing a certain night of the week when we both knew we would have sex, really really helped. Then there wasn't the 'embarrassment' of someone having to initiate. I would really recommend it as a way of rekindling thing. It helped us get back in our stride (so to speak).