he is a fuckwit right?

[RockSteady]

just need some persepective really.
me and P had a couple ofdrinks. well, i had 3 small glasses of wine and as usual he was setting out to be drunk and had already drunk beers at a pub with him to bring is friend.I had asked hme a bottle so I could have a couple and he sat there going on at me to get drunk, I was trying to say that he didn't have to be drunk all the time and that its nice to just have a couple but as usual he ignored me.
Later on i realised I had some extra CTC paid to me. I work part time, he works full time and the bills all go from his account.I usually give him most of the money that comes into my account and keep someaside for whatever i might need like shopping,occasionally clothes and make up. He has recently paid for a course of driving lessons so we are a bit skint at the mo so he asked that I pay absolutely everything into his account.I said I would keep £20 asidejust in case. I said that if he ever just decides to buy anything then he has the option as there will always be money in his account but if i decide to buy something on a whim (nothing big) then i dont have that option, i would have to ask him and that doesn't seem fair.
We argued for a while, i got fed up and went upstairs to bed. We have 2 small children who were fast asleep at the time.He followed me up and continues ranting on.The baby (1yeard ols) started crying ,he is ill and had been sick. I started to clean him and his bed up and then tried to get him to settle.All the time,P is continuing to go on and on,drving me absolutley crazy to the pint where i want to punch him in the face,anything to make him shut up and leave me alone. He has the the lights on and is also smoking a cigarette right near to the children the whole time btw.i shut the door to the childrens room, he kicked it open (actually it fell off but had already been hanging off from a previous temper tantrum he had years ago). He said I was dragging the children into it and using them as tools and that i knew he would follow me upstairs therefore it was my fault they were now being affected
I have gone on far too long ,theres probably a olot more, i can't type properly as he has alos smashed my computer screen
so basicallyi think I should be thinking about leaving, he was saying last night that it was all my fault and that I should have just stayed downstairs and spoken to him like a human being and then none of this would have happened.
thanks for reading if you managed to stick with it and again,apologies for my typing

Following you around the house to argue, upsetting sick children, wanting all of your money so he can spend it on booze and smashing your stuff is not a good sign. Why would you want to stay?

He sounds like an arse... If that's your day to day life not just a silly drunken fight i would definitely be thinking of leaving.
I don't think it's fair to give all your money to him so you'd have to ask him for some if you need to get little something, sounds horrible...
Smoking in children's room??? Even in the house is bad enough, he sounds angry and selfish, get away from him...

oh sorry the money isn't for booze, he needs it to clear his overdraft and various debts. he doesn't drink all the time,just when he does he does it to excess,to the point where i feel he makes a fool of himself.he would probably disagree luckily the older child didn't get woken up,not through lack of him trying tho
reasons for not leaving are that i would feel guilty that he wouldn't be seeing his children all the time and would be very upset

we argue very occasionally but he behaves so badly when we do thaqt it pushes me to think like this. most of the time we are fine,we argue maybe once every 6 months, nbut when it happens its like this.

You sound like you are maiing excuses for him. If he hadn't been spending the money he had on drink he wouldn't need your last twenty quid would he?

his argument was that he would never withhold money from me, i would never go short, he just needs it in his account for direct debits etc. My problem was that I would never have the option of just buying on impulse or having emergency money,i would never buy anything big!
thats why i need some perspective. the argument turned into this huge big horrible mess from what he sees as a bit of a none issue,from a tiny disagreement.
he was doing a stupid mimic of my voice being all whiny going 'but i need to buy clothes and make up wah wah wah' . He just provkes me and then blames me when the row continues. I try to ignore him and tend to the children/go to sleep but he rants on and on

re your comment:-

"reasons for not leaving are that i would feel guilty that he wouldn't be seeing his children all the time and would be very upset"

Sod feeling guilty. I would add the children are likely both confused and upset now by your behaviours towards each other. They could well be blaming themselves for Mum and Dad's problems. Should he really be seeing his children at all now if he is aacting like this within the home, somewhere that should be a sanctuary and safe for your children?.

What on earth are the two of you teaching your children about relationships?. Would you want them as adults to act like the two of you are doing now?.

Frankly both of you should part. You should not be in such an unhealthy co-dependent relationship with each other in the first place. You'd both be happier apart, especially your good self. Its certainly not working now, this is dead in the water.

Well for finances we have our own accounts, and then a joint account for bills etc. Always have. Even though mine has often had very little in it. So why not suggest someting like this to him.
Where did the debts come from? Suggest going to see a CAB debt advisor to sort out how to repay them.

If he is violent, and drunk often, then you know you have a real problem. (MY DH is never violent, and has been drunk on average 1 day every 3 years of our marriage). So you decide.

You shouldn´t be thinking about leaving-you should be doing it!

He follows you to deliberately continue a argument & blames you?

Drinking/arguing seem to be much more important to him than you & the children tbh.

thanks everyone by the way

mummytime - thats agood idea, i think money is just a small part of a bigger problem though.
the arguments always end up the same way, this isn't what i want the children to end up thinking is normal,even if it is only occasionally

Woah, breaking down the door and smashing your computer screen? Aside from anything else, I think those are reasons to leave him.

Yes, he's a twat. Please keep posting; writing it down might help you get a bit of perspective.

He sounds like a drunk and a problem drinker.

Is he?

Wow, I don't know where to start!

Firstly I wouldn't feel guilty about upsetting him - he has upset you enough already and for what reason? It's not like you would be leaving just to upset him. You would be leaving for your own and your childrens' safety, and upsetting him is just something that has to happen.

And as for him not seeing the children much - it doesn't sound as though he is very hands on with them at the moment, is he? The baby was sick, and you automatically cleaned it up yourself without him doing any of it at all. He is not being respectful of them sleeping and has damaged their things (e.g. bedroom door) on more than one occasion.

Didn't you go upstairs to deal with the sick baby? Not "lure" him upstairs to continue the argument. (And even if you did - which you didn't - why didn't he stay downstairs and talk rationally if he knew that was the right thing to do).

This is 2010, not 1950. Wives should not have to "ask" husbands for money.....

He needs to go - he sounds dangerously violent.

Good luck.