what do you think?

[clairebear28]

Over my husbands shoulder I saw what seemed like an odd email talking about a sex website so I sent a text to my friend gave her his email and password and got her to forward everything to me, she did this and deleted any evidence anyone had sent anything.

When I looked at it further he had created a profile on a sex website saying he was looking for no strings fun. I created a profile and my friend emailed him as a woman looking for fun, he took the bait and replied and arranged to meet ?her? my friend was emailing when I was with him so he wouldn?t have any idea it was me?.the day he took her number and said he would go to her house for some fun I flipped and could no longer pretend I didn?t know?.i confronted him and he said he joined the website as a bit of fun with the blokes at work and knew it was me and was replying cos he thought it was funny. I told him I didn?t believe him and he went to stay at his parents. After 5 days he came back due to pressure from him and my dd. I know deep down he didn?t think it was me and I wish I had waited to see if he meet ?her? this happened in November and I just cant stop thinking about it?.ive just read his emails again and I def know by reading it he didn?t know it was me and still feel so hurt, im just not sure I can forgive him?I can plod along and ignore it but im just confused, I really wish id let him meet up?.i also know he didn?t know it was me cos the day before I confronted him he kept asking if I was ok, the next morning he had changed his password

sorry this is long and im not really sure if im after advice or actually maybe your opinions would be good please?!?!!???

Thanks!!!!

I agree, I don't think he knew it was you.

I think you need to decide what options you have. You could tell him to leave, but you have kids and it MIGHT be a one-off.

You could just do nothing but that is going to eat you up, because you'll constantly be worrying he's doing it again.

You could confront him, tell him you don't believe him and try to get him to admit it. But then what? Ask him to promise never to do it again? Will you believe him?

Work out why he would need to go elsewhere? How is your relationship, do you still feel very close? Ask him why? Start from there I guess.

But I wouldn't just let it go.

Don't let it just go.

You caught him red-handed and deceit like this is unforgivable.

YOU need to decide what YOU want and then talk to him.

How is the rest of your relationship?

its not particularily great....he is actually a decent man, just lazy and not helpful, doesnt show he loves me much but now i dont bother to show him...we do have things to work on at the moment and i am deciding if we should work on them or if its over, had decided to leave him a few weeks ago.

thing is this happened in November so feel like ive left it too long to bring up?!?!?

I think you need to sit down and talk to him. Explain that what happened in November is still playing on your mind and you need to get a clearer agreement on how you move forward, together or apart.

Sorry this happening to you. It's horrible regardless of how long ago it was.

If it's still bothering you (which is entirely understandable!) then you do need to think about what you want to do now and do it.

You need to address this fully or it will continue to eat you up.

He probably doesn't understand that his denial of what was really going on is probably hindering your recovery from this but without truth, how can there begin to be trust?

I think your current state of unease is completely warranted and unless he's going to take steps to help you heal, he's nothing more than a weight you don't need to carry.

Of course you are still thinkng about it, it hasn't been sorted out. Who knows if he had admitted it you could have been back together and doing better (afterall you know he did it)

Adding insult (to your intelligence) to injury (to your relationship) is not going to get him anywhere, or is it? He's back from his parents and living at home, but seemingly without any idea of the damage he's caused, and hiding things still, with the password changed.

You need to drag him to counselling, make it a condition of him continuing to live at home, and tell him very clearly that you're keeping your options very much open until he shows clear signs of understanding what he's done and complete willingness to recommit to the relationship. And he must also apologise sincerely from the bottom of his heart for trying to fool you with a pathetic lie.

It's up to him to repair this to your satisfaction, not up to you to get over yourself and sweep your hurt under the rug.