getting through relationship problems without counselling

[loves2walk]

Just wondering if anyone has advice about how you get through relationship problems without counselling?

Me and H are in a bad place - not speaking after a confrontation about his unreasonable behaviour (which he half accepts, half argues about). I have suggested counselling as I really feel we need help to get our discussions moved on and reach some resolution. But H won't go - he has good reason to be worried about confidentiality issues. I accept his concern and agree with him that counselling is not an option.

So we are DIY on our relationship. We have reached stalemate, up last 2 nights talking long into night with no answers and now not talking today, again.

We are stuck.

Why does you H have concerns around confidentiality?

I have to admit that DH and I found talking a third party beneficial because it stopped us just going over old ground and enabled us to move the discussion on, but I can see that it's not for everyone. I'm sure someone else will have some useful advice though.

is sort of due to the place we live - small, and H would be known to counsellors professionally. He has a valid concern about this.

I thought about travelling further afield but time off from kids would be hard enough for a local thing once a week so adding on travelling makes it impossible

I think Relate does telephone counselling, would that be worth looking into?

Definately would be, I didn't know that. Many thanks

Thanks happy, I have just googled relate and they offer telephone counselling and also an online service.

I might suggest both of these to H and see if he would be prepared to give it a go.

There are self help books, the ex and I found "Why men can't listen and women can't read maps" very illuminating. Don't pay to much attention to the word "ex" above, even multiple sessions at Relate didn't help.

If the thing is getting too bad, sometimes is worth it to break the confidentiality in order to save the marriage, besides, the counselor is also bound by confidentiality, and is only allowed to break it if there is a possible risk to yourselves or your children, like in that one of you may try to kill himself or cause significant damage to another member of the family.

I can see what you're saying about confidentiality but it is more that they would know him and go to him for advice about professional issues. He would find it hard to take on a different role.

Thanks for book idea