I don't think I meet the criteria of what men find ''acceptable'' in a woman!

[poshsinglemum]

At school men called me ugly although when I was a teen I did get some sex.
My ex told me I was weak. Now I am a single mum I am a benefits scrounger (apparently even though I work). I am also single and independant. I do like myself but men don't. Should I give a shit?

Do you try to enhance your femininity for men or are you just yourself and if they don't likr it- tough shit? I'm a bit of both methinks.

Depends what you want in a man....a quick shag or a relationship based on equality?

These days I am myself. I often get the vibe that men don't really like me (apart from DH!) and I have never had to beat them off with a stick really. I am fairly attractive so I think it is a personality/attitude thing. I am sarcastic (which I have curbed with age) and I don't flirt.

You really need to learn to move on from all this, posh. How is your therapy going?

I think there's a wide range of what is attractive and not all men like girly women. I'm sure you are not ugly and I'm sure just being you is attractive to the right sort of men (as well as a few undesirable idiots - but you've already met them probably)

why would you want someone who wants you to be someone you are not.

just be yourself - if a man doesn't like it, he's not the one for you

I have been called both beautiful and ugly by different men at different times. I think I am neither.

Posh - accept compliments gracefully and ignore insults. If you were that ugly you would never have had sex.

Every woman has her own allure.

I think it's too soon for you to be worrying about this, posh.

I used to have to fight them off - even in my late forties - and attracted / was attracted to some of the most fucked-up men from Fuckville in the land of Fucked. I think a lot of it has to do with the vibes (or tiny signals) you give out. Not every attractive woman attracts nutters, but it seems you & I both do.

Nowadays, quite a lot of the men I encounter dislike me. I'm fine with that, because I can identify traits in them I really wouldn't want to get close to. This what therapy's given me - and, god, am I grateful!

I haven't yet got the other half of the equation (mutual attraction in a sane, healthy way) ... but I'm going to!

So will you

Don't assume that all men are alike. What one man would find attractive (in both looks and personality) another would find a complete turn-off.

Quite a lot of men are knobs. Why would you want to be 'acceptable' to someone who thinks that women are not quite human, but are decorative household appliances that they can have sex on?

Bloody hell, I know the answer to that one, SGB. But it's waaaay too long to post here.

Forget their criteria, it's your criteria that are important..

What's 'feminine'?

Your idea of what depicts femininity could be entirely different from someone else's.

I've never really been anything other than myself. I'm quite transient in my appearance but consistent in character and attitude.

If anything, some past relationships have failed because I wouldn't be molded into anything I wasn't comfortable with. Difficult at the time but worth it to retain my sense of self.