How do I protect myself financially?

[clacketyclack]

I have just been reading another thread where it was pointed out how vulnerable you can be if you are cohabiting with children but nothing official sorted out with regards to finances etc.

Well this is the situation I am in, and I wanted some advice on what exactly we should sort out and how to do it fairly? I'm not worried about my relationship but I know that you never know what will happen. FWIW we are planning get married, possibly next year, but would like to make thing secure in the meantime. I have already broached this subject with DP but TBH we are both a bit rubbish at sorting stuff out so thought if I had a list it might help spur him on.

So, DP owns our house (I moved in with him pre DD). Since DD I only work part time so he pays all bills etc and I buy groceries and baby stuff out of my wage. He doesn't have a will either so I know we need to both make one asap.

So, what exactly should we have on paper with regards to finances etc, I mean I know once we are married I will have certain rights with regards to the house, but at the moment I feel a bit strange making any claim to it?

Any other advice?

Thanks!

Personally I would have the house put in both our names and get the wills sorted as priority.

Have you tried posting this in Legal, you may be able to get more info there.

Can you afford to get him life insurance? Might be worth it in the circs.

Also get wills done, have your name added to deeds and get yourself a stakeholder pension.

It's also worth looking into any benefits he receives through work. DH was able to name me a beneficiary of his work health and dental insurance and of his life assurance just by contacting HR.

Just seen I have replies

OK, so is it fair for me to be on the deeds to the house? I have a feeling DP won't be happy about it (he saved a LONG time on his own for the 10% deposit and pays all mortgage and bills so I guess I can see why). I know if we were married I would be anyway, but do you think if he doesn't want to do it beforehand he is in the wrong? I do feel a bit funny about it, but if he did the dirty on me I would be screwed with the way things stand right now.

Life insurance is a good plan, and I will sort wills pronto. DP does have work benefits, but initially he could only add me or DD so we chose DD, but have a feeling that perhaps I am now entitled to join as well. I'll get him to check.

I've also spoken about a joint account but he seems reticent. I suppose the reason I posted in relationships is I'm wondering if his reluctance to entwine ourselves legally before marriage is worrying? (he keeps telling me he wants us to get married but as yet no proposal)

If your DP pays the mortgage in full and all the household bills, how do you split other expenditure? Does he end up paying for the house, while you pay for the childcare? Presumably you have sacrificed income so that you can care for your DD?

TBH, I would be concerned if the father of my child didn't want to make adequate provisions for our child, either in case of death or us splitting up. However, that provision wouldn't necessarily mean that the house was in joint names, but I would think that would make things easier and certainly make me feel more secure.

As you have children you would still be entitled to a share in the house whether your name is on the deeds or not before you are married

Yes happysmiley, I pay for food and then everything to do with DD. I was made redundant just before maternity leave so wasn't an actual decision to give up full time work, but was a decision to not go back to it IYSWIM.

He is in agreement with the will and life insurance (though just a bit slack with actually sorting it). It's the splitting up scenario that is the problem. I think he's worried about me running off with someone else and screwing him over. He has no reason to think this BTW! Perhaps he will feel more secure when we are married and happy with the joint finances.

But in the meantime, aside from the house, I'm not really sure what provision I should be making with the finances to protect against the splitting up scenario. I suppose I've not focussed on it as I've always thought it wouldn't happen, but you only have to read these boards to get a dose of reality...

My understanding is that because you have contributed to the household bills you would have a claim on the house should you split up. If he wants to have complete ownership of the home, he needs to pay the mortgage and bills in their entirety and then you split everything else equally. However it sounds like you pay for everything else and therefore effectively subsidise the mortgage.

(I'm not a lawyer by the way but was in your DP's position before I got married so did look into it.)

I don't know any easy way of sorting it out except to get married, but given that you both seem to want to get married in the future, that may be the way to go.

I certainly would NOT take it for granted that you would have an automatic share in your partner's house should you split, these things are not set in stone.

A lot of judges may take the attitude that whoever's name is on the deeds SOLELY owns the house as happened last week with the couple who hadn't lived together for 17 years.

Frankly, this judge couldn't be bothered to find out who paid the groceries.

Look at it from the point of view of the judge, he was not psychic and could not reasonably know who bought the food. He may just take the easy option and go along with what is set in stone i.e. the deeds etc.

Bottom line: UNLESS you own property jointly OR married you are on dodgy ground.

Don't think buying cans of beans gives you automatic rights in property matters! (meant in nice way).