What can I say , or do to help my friend through this difficult time ?

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, I have recently become friends with one on the mums at my daughters school. Our daughters are best friends.
Her husband has recently left her and gone off with one of her friends. She also has an older son with SEN's and both her children are finding the situation very hard, as the dad dosn't see them any more.
I feel so sorry for her and the children. It's a really difficult time for all of them.
When the mum comes around for a coffee while the children play, I feel really useless, as I don't know what to say. All I can do is listen and talk about how unfair it is etc. I've never been in that situation before, so I can only imagine what it must be like. I just don't know if I'm helping at all ?
We do chat about other things as well, and we do get on really well. I just wish I knew what to say, or had some good advice to help her deal with things. I feel like, she wants to open up to me, but I just feel quite useless. Does anyone have any advice for me to give her? Or has a friend helped you through a difficult time like this, and if so, how did she do it?

Bump

I think listening can be really helpful - and just keep asking her round for coffee and doing stuff with her?

Ask if you can do anything - help with washing/making a big batch of frozen food to take a load off??
Sometimes practical things are a step towards the emotional?

You sound lovely

You can't do anything, she needs tlc, she needs destractions and fun times, and if she needs to sit and cry and have a few days to herself, she needs that, you can't do anything for her, she has to make her life better herself and in the long run making her life better for her will not help you or her as it will cause resentment from you and stop her from emabling herself to make life better for her, the other good thing is not to be tempted no matter how much she ask's you to tell her what to do or think, encouraging her to find her own solutions is going to help her the most, as you can revert to child emotionally in that sort of situation and the temptation for friends like you is to almost parent the friend which does not help either of you in the long run, as champagne said you sound lovely, she is lucky to have you as a friend x

Thank you! The practical things sound like a good idea. I will keep inviting her around, as I really enjoy her company.
Her son refuses to come into my house. He has quite severe autism. Maybe in time he might change his mind.
I think it helps that our daughters are such good friends, as they are both quite gentle little souls and often get overlooked within the class, but they are very loyal to each other which is lovely.

Thank you Mummiehunnie, that's great advice. I suppose just having someone to listen is better than nothing.
She has so many decisions to make too. I don't want to influence her, but we talk about the pro's and con's. I musn't be tempted to say "if I were you, I'd do this".