Okay, bit of advice wanted here. I'm a bit new, so do excuse any newbie mistakes I may make!
I am currently 32 weeks pregnant; the baby was an accident (proof that contraception is not 100% accurate! ) but I've always wanted to be a mother and the idea of an abortion terrifies me so it was never an option.
I had been with DP for a year when we found out, but he'd already started acting a bit weird, sort of distant and not as lovey-dovey as he usually was iyswim. He was shocked when he saw the test result, and a little worried about money and so forth, but at the same time he was over the moon - his previous long-term partner had suffered a series of miscarriages and he had despaired of ever having children despite wanting them quite badly.
This was near Christmas, which last year I had arranged to spend with my family because DP was busy with work through most of it and I'd be stuck on my own otherwise. Everything seemed fine until, on New Years Day, I get a phone call from him telling me that his stepdad (who he was very close to) had died and could I please catch a bus down because he really needed someone. I, of course, did so, only to be greeted by him saying the dreaded "We need to talk" as soon as I walk in the door.
Why he picked then to tell me I do not know, but it turned out that he'd been having an emotional affair since shortly before my pregnancy was confirmed, and that he didn't love me anymore, and hadn't for a while. He wanted to separate, but still wanted to stay amicable because he still liked me as a person (iyswim) and also to try and make things easier as far as baby is concerned.
I go back to my mum's, devastated, and don't really speak to anyone for about a month. Then I have to go down to the town where he lives, and he gets wind of this and invites me over to try and straighten everything out (with money etc. since I paid most of the bills for his house as he can't get a bank account).
As soon as I get there we're all over each other, but he is still adamant that he "doesn't love me" and "just wants to be friends".
Fast forward to the present, and I'm practically living back at his house despite the fact that he will barely touch me now (I am an enormous whale, after all!). I know it won't last, and I'll have to move back to my parents permanently before the baby is born, because there's no room in his flat and getting even a one-bed house around here is next to impossible. He knows I'd take him back in a heartbeat despite everything. We've fallen back into all our old routines, just without any of the really "couple-y" stuff. He's said that he doesn't know how he really feels, especially since the OW wouldn't leave her boyfriend for him when he'd left me for her, which really seemed to upset him ... guess he'd been expecting a relationship when all she wanted was a quick bit on the side
What I'd like to know is, am I being pathetic to still hope I can salvage this relationship though I know it's an outside chance at the very best? The whole OW thing aside, he's a smart, caring, funny bloke willing to put up with my many flaws and violent mood swings despite being a bit moody himself. I've never been good with relationships of any kind, and my one with him has been the longest romantic connection I've managed to mantain in my entire life - part of me thinks I might just be clinging to him because I don't feel as though I'd be able to find another relationship, even if I didn't have a baby to take care of.
Should I even be considering trying to get him back? And if I do, should I back off, give him some time and space first so he can get his head on straight?
Sorry for the novel, I just had to get it all out to someone Especially since my family are more angry about the whole thing than I am and won't give me any advice except "come home NOW"