After only a break of three months, my DH is showing all the signs of depression again . it seems that every slight bump in the road he catapaults into this deep dark place where he lives in a mist of self pity and lame anger at everyone else.
I can see what is triggering it- he is exhausting himself by trying to set up a business. I know he wants to do this for a living, but he is working full time as well and he is fragile at the best of times (which this isn't, as we have had a lot of changes lately, what with the move and everything). And besides, he has done all the inland revenue stuff, but he won't take that side seriously (insurance and all that- apparently they are 'getting' at him at work but it's his paranoia, I just know it).
last time this happened, and the one before, he walked out of his job and left us without any money. This business isn't really viable yet and I can't face all this again, we have lost two houses before (one owned, one rented) and I just can't do it again!
I don't know what to do to help him. He won't take anti-d's, he did but they made him ill and he won't try any others. i can't go because I have no cash (literally ot apenny), and he wouldn't believe me if I said it anyway. I have no-one to go to, either. We haven't lived here long. And anyway, i don't want to blow my chance to go to Uni next month, I have waited 16 years for the chance.
I DO love him, but he is such hard work, and I am exhausted! He is like a child in so many ways- with money (he is always wondering where it all went, but he is the only one with access), and he can't seem to deal with anything himself any more. I have enough on my plate with my three, especially as Sam picks up on his moods and it worsens his Aspergers.
right now I don't know if he went to work (he tried to call in sick, saying the car had broken down, but they sent a van for him), if he wandering the village or what? He has tried to kill himself in the past.
Don't know what to do any more. He's a good husband, father, man when he is OK, but that is less and less. But I promised in sickness and in health, didn't I?
I can't talk to him coz his paranoia kicks in and I am 'getting at him' if I suggest he rests / looks for another job / talks to his boss - all come under the heading of 'ways to stop me doing the business' in his head at the moment.
I'm scared. I don't want to lose him, but sometimes he needs to be in the care of someone who can help him. If I told him that though, I would lose him forever- TBH i I think he'd top himself. He's certainly do this thing he does where he walks out saying he will.
help