lost my Husband to work.

[Mmummmy]

My dh works long hours. He's become detached from the family. When he's around his tired and starts to get frustrated with our 3 young children. I try to guide him which seems to undermine his position. I do everything for the family as a sahm even the gardening and DIY.
Now my husband has become so detached from me that we don't have sex for months. I cann't bare it i am completely frustrated and have started to back off from my dh instead of being rejected. I've tried everything to get my relationship back on track but feel it slipping. I want to save it before I'ts to late. Can anyone give me support or advice.

Talk to your H. There's not much you can do if you both won't work on your relationship together. Tell him how you feel and that you want to save your marriage. I believe that almost every relationship can be saved if both people are willing to put work into it... Best of luck.

I've put all my cards on the table and we've analysed everything inside out but he says he's going to change again and again but he doesn't act on our conversations. When we open our fellings he tends to fall into silence I've tried to provoke him but can't find an answer. My only answer is to to be unhappily married for the kids.

Yes, I would agree, you have to talk to him. He may be blissfully unaware of how you are feeling.

Have a think about what you want to say to him and try to set aside some time when you won't be interrupted. Try to keep the conversation positive rather than accuse him of neglecting you. Maybe suggest one night in the week/month when you have a night just to yourselves, try to have some ideas ready of what you would like to do with him.

The best way forward is communication - neither of you will know how the other feels if you don't talk about it.

Perhaps you should suggest couples counselling. That will help you both think about what you value & want from the relationship & work together to get there.

He knows exactly how i feel. Sometimes in the mornings i wake up and feel so lonely with my husband that I burst into tears. All he can say is sorry....He knows exactly whats happening and I cann't face another pointless 2 hour conversation trying to analyse the situation. I put my energy into networking with other mums and having a life that way. Everyone thinks we have a happy relationship.

Leave him then and see if that spurs him on. Do you really want to be like this for the rest of your life?? if he still isn't that bothere then you have your answer, sorry to be brutal but could he be having an affair?

Good suggestion about counselling as I've suggested this and he's agreed but doesn't want to find the time. I have thought of going to councilling on my own.
I don't know the answer....

I don't think he's having an affair but who knows... if I walk out the gossip factor would be hard to deal with and it would be a move further away from him. I am trying to stay faithful and trusting.

Yes all good on your part but if you are not getting what you want from this relationship as well it makes your life miserable and pointless doesn't it.

Think about being an old lady regretting staying with him and having a loveless marriage and being miserable for the rest of your life. Is that what you want? unless you do something about it that is how it will be, counselling on your own? no good if only one of you is pulling your weight.

Chick, I feel for you I really do and think things will only chnage if you kick his arse.

Life is too short and you only get one life, don't waste it being miserable.

I've been thinking exactly what you've said.
But with three young kids and no other support. If i left my husband i would loose so much. Basically I'm trapped. I have thought of having an affair if things gat so bad. (better than walking out)

Well if he's agreed to counselling I would work on that. Depending on where you are geographically counselling services run quite late into the evening and on Saturdays, I think Relate also offer telephone and online counselling so really he should have no valid time excuse. If you have more money you may even be able to get a counsellor to come to your home.

May I ask whathedoes?

Is there any way he can cut down his hours?

Thanks I found the strength to talk to him again loads of tears and heart ache and no sleep. He's given me hope but needs to act before things change.

My husband works over for no extra pay but feels to keep the show on the road and do everything how he wants he needs to put extra hour in. Stupid I know but his self esteem and creadability means alot.