WWYD, should i give up on my marriage?

[newmummy27]

Just need some advice before i go to work to help get through the rest of the day. Any help would be really appreciated as i am struggling.

Situation is, husband left me and our ds 2.5 one year ago in July. I felt my world collapse. I had suffered with PND and he was very unsupportive and blames me for everything.
Been to relate both seperately and together. I felt it was working for me but he was unresponsive. We went to a session this morning and the councellor said she doesnt understand why we are trying to persue this after so long as we are both miserable. I am tending to agree. I have been to a solicitor and had legal advice however could not bring myself to file for divorce, it would be on unreasonable behaviour as he rented a flat and didnt tell me then told me he had left me after a week and went.

Over the past year it has been tough.i am a single parent and feel like i am on the edge most of the time juggling things but AM coping. I just dont know whether to give up and truly accept it is over. I am living in limbo. He treats me with no respect, doesnt care how i feel, rejects me and walks away and i have been left in a state on numerous occasions, although this comes out in private not in front of ds. I dont understand him, i have tried.
Am i flogging a dead horse here. I am totally fed up of the situation. Anyone else been here?

Haven't been where you are, although I am a single parent. To be honest, I think your counsellor has a point. Why are you still trying to repair the situation when it doesn't sound as if your H is really going to make you happy... Wouldn't you be better to move on? Sorry if that's a bit blunt - I'm not doing well with tact today.

I hope someone else answers you soon . I think you sound very low tbh, and wondered if you have any family you can talk to in RL? It seems surprising that he hasn't filed for divorce so I suspect that he is unwilling to admit the end either, but it seems as though you have reached it, and I honestly feel that once you allow yourself to move on without him you will feel both happier and stronger: there is nothing more emotionally crippling than struggling to keep someone who doesn't really want you. My advice fwiw is to get rid, file for divorce and get on with building and enjoying a new life for you and ds. You ARE coping, and you WILL get through this,,,,,,

hi i am going to have to go in a minute, but i will check the post tonight,thanks for replying. yes i am low at the moment. i think maybe i am holding on to the dream he might change or realise. he has said he loves me but hasnt made any effort to properly talk. i am just tired of it. i am holding a lot of anger inside, i have told people in RL, my family are not being supportive in fact on occasion made it worse. just struggling today after session this morning.

scd, thanks, at the moment he still has access to our house and i see hims 3x per week, for childcare, i work till 9pm, i think this is preventing me moving on as i have to hide things and take stuff to work. i am trying to be fair. i feel better when i dont see him but then i have other issues to deal with, ie my family and very little support. the situation is, do i deal with my controlling mother or him and which is easier to deal with? i am going from one to the other and am truly unhappy

also been together 13 years :-(

Hi there, you sound so low, poor you. All I can say is stop flogging that dead horse. You wont be able to move on until you have started taking steps (even teeny baby steps) towards accepting that you have a new and much better life waiting for you. Right now, its like picking a scab, and until that stops, no healing can take place. I remember walking in to sign my divorce petition and feeling sad and low. I almost floated out afterwards. The relief was astonishing.

Its big and scary making that decision right now, but honestly, when you look back, you wont regret it. After all, this might sound a bit brutal, but tell me what exactly is there to save? Anyway you and your ds are worthy of so much more xx

Are you holding on to your marriage, or the idea of marriage ? If you met him now would you want to date him ? Do you find him attractive, like him even ?

The situation is shit, i feel for you, it is hard when youve invested so much to find yourself here. Let it go. Write down a list of all the rotton things about him, the flat, being unsupportive, im sure theres many more. Then ask yourself, if you read such a description of a man on a dating website , what would you think ?

You sound very down , its not surprising , its very hard to let go of the idea of happy familys. Do you get out much ? How do you feel about being single ? When was the last time you had some fun?
You may have to closeley examine your feelings and the reasons for persuing this.

Dont let this be all about him, you sound a nice person who deserves so much more. Think back to who you were before you met this guy .

You said something about dealing with him or your controlling mother. Well the easiest to deal with is your effectively ex-DH. So do!

Your mother will still be around, and een if she was on the other side of the world would still be your mother.

Have you had counselling for your PND? I would suggest you get some counselling now, rather than see relate, get some counselling for you. Find better child care, get an occasional babysitter (if only to go to drinks with people from work). Build a social life.

I would also get the locks changed, so he can only access your house with your express permission. Can't he look after your DS at his flat?

Good luck!