Married - attraction to another man

[Lima1]

I am married 4 years and have a 2yr old and 7 month old. I would consider myself very happily married, i love my husband and he is a great father. The problem is i have a low sex drive. I suppose it wasnt always this way in the beginning we had sex quite a lot and i would have thought we had no problems in that dept. However in the last couple of years its dropped a lot. Now i was blaming it on tiredness/work/stress/financial worries etc. Our baby suffers badly from eczema and wakes about 3 times a night still so we are always very tired.
A couple of weeks ago i went out for a rare night out with a friend while hubby minded the kids. At a club we met up with 2 guys wer knew from years back. I could tell one of them fancied me, he was always very quiet so i didnt know him well but we got talking that night. Anyway i was instantly attracted to him -like massively so. I would never have an affair not in a million years but i always thought id never even be attracted to another man. I was shocked at how instantly and enormously i was attracted to him. It was very obvious he felt the same. I had to tear myself away from him cos i didnt trust myself around him.

Im left feeling confused over the whole thing. I wouldnt have considered myself as a highly sexed person but i felt barely able to control myself with him. I suppose im posting cos i want to be told this is normal and means nothing. The only other man i ever felt like this about is my husband but being honest i probably felt more attracted to this guy.
He indirectly got his number to me later on and asked me to text him but i threw the number away.
I always thought id never even so much as look at another guy never mind feel like this. Is it worrying that i barely feel like having sex with my husband but i felt like this about another man?

Take a deep breath and repeat after me -

"I am an intelligent married woman who felt temptation and resisted it. I am not a bad person."

There. Better now?

I suspect that there are some hormones swilling around here, that are at least partially to blame.

I'm going to leave others who are far more eloquent and knowledgeable about these things to jump in here, but I do think that you did the right thing in throwing away the number.

It is normal to be attracted to someone else but the point is what you do with that attraction. You have not acted on it which is the best thing to do. It's highlighted to you that you may be in a bit of a stale patch within your marriage but use that feeling to re-energise what you have.

Also, for the guy to pass on his number to you, knowing you are married, indicates that he would be willing to start something with you when you are not available. It says quite a lot about his character.

Someone's shown an interest in you and it's flattering, it's awakened senses you thought you no longer had. Use those senses with your husband - the man you love.

Feel free to say I'm being silly, but I think it's relevant that this was a lad you knew from way back - talking to him would make you feel like you did back when you were young, free and single, and that may well have been a major part of the attraction. He made you feel young and giddy again, not mature and sensible. It's not about finding him more attractive than your DH, it's about finding yourself at a younger age more "exciting" than life is at the moment.

Take it as a reminder that you do have the capacity to feel excited by the prospect of love/sex, and find ways to rediscover that with your DH. It's always tricky when you have small children, but do what you can to get out together once in a while, or just have a "date night" at home once the kids are in bed.

You did the right thing. Don't beat yourself up over it

Flighty that was a lovely post...couldn't have put it better myself!

Lima...how are you feeling today? Do you think it's likely you will see this other man again, whether you wish to or not - or can you easily avoid him?

Thanks very much for the advice, i feel better for knowing its normal. I will take your advice and try and arrange more date nights with my husband. We are due to go out this weekend with friends.

Fliight - i can easily avoid him, i havent seen him in many years, we live in different towns and i know i may not see him for years again - though saying that i did meet his friend (the other guy we were with) yesterday when i went into town so you would never know, but i do know even if i did meet him on the off chance he would be too shy to approach me.
Thanks again.

I was in the exact same situation about 2 months ago (except the guy was actually an ex so it reawakened actual memories) and like others have suggested I have taken those feelings and put them to good use with my Husband

We were hardly having sex as I was always too tired/not in the mood etc and we were having alot of niggly arguements.

The feelings for my ex made me think about things and it wasnt that I didnt love DH anymore or even that I actually wanted to get back with my ex, it was me remembering how happy and carefree I had been in my younger single days.
Sometimes being married with 3 kids and trying to keep house etc gets demanding and you lose your fun side. You need to rediscover that fun side and start enjoying life again

DH and I have never been closer and hardly argue now

As long as you dont act on your attraction to this other guy then you have don nothing wrong.