Do you think I'd be able to get an Occupation Order?

[yellowiris]

I've been thinking about moving out to get away from my verbally/emotionally abusive husband. Today I read a bit more about occupation orders, which I never thought applied to non physical abuse before but according to the BBC and others sites they do.

We've 3 children, 11, 9 and 8. He has hidden my passport, told me when he found out I'd mentioned we were divorcing to some friends, "Fu

Hi there.
I'm not the right person to be giving you advice as I am going through something very similar indeed (My thread is called AIBU to think that I am going to struggle with this - in the Am I being Unreasonable section).

I am thinking of you and I totally empathise. If you can do it, then do. And I may just take my own advice.

x x

you need to get legal advice form a family solicitor.

I dont think you can kick him out of his own home.

I am fairly certain that you can have them removed if there is abuse.

Sorry to hear that separated. It is so horrible. I'll look for your thread.

Hi fuzzywuzzy, I know I can't kick him out unless I can get an occupation order. I just wondered if anyone here knows about them and thinks it would apply in these sort of circumstances. I will see a solicitor and speak to Women's Aid asap.

Separated, that's what I thought. I had thought until today that they were only given out of there was physical abuse or the threat of it but now I'm not so sure. I will get further advise from qualified people when I can and report back here in case anyone else comes across this thread. Thanks.

I got a restraining order in my case however there was proven d/v the police put him on bail and then the police directed me to the solicitors firm they worked with who managed to get me a restraining order which lasted a year and helped me to begin divorce proceedings in the meantime.

You really need to get legal help ASAP, as your ex does sound abusive, I'm worried he will become physically violent when you begin divorce proceedings.

Also if I were you I would also get a prohibited steps order so the children remain in your care and cannot take them from your care without consent, I only suggest this as you say he has taken your passports.

You know you can apply for a new passport even if he's hidden your old one, just say you have lost it.

Thanks fuzzywuzzy. Sorry you've had to go through all that.
I only know he hid my passport when I went to vote in the GE (needed proof of id) and couldn't find it in the safe where we usually keep them all. I looked everywhere and asked him many times if he knew where it was. I applied for a new one in my other nationality and hoped the British one would turn up. H kept going on about going away for a holiday and I was telling him I couldn't as I'd no passport. I found it 2 weeks ago under the mattress in the spare room where he sleeps along with some papers I'd written our financial info on for my solicitor. He knew all along where it was! Now he knows I found it and that I think he hid it. He's really scaring me, constantly trying to make me think I'm unhinged.

Hi,

your situation sounds terrible and I have no personal experience from which to give advice. The only thing I do know from a friend who works for the police is that they do have contact details for associations in the area who can help. You can ring the non emergency number and ask, or even drop in of you can. The other people who may be able to help are CAB or solicitors who offer a free consultation service. There are also web sites with various groups who can assist - remember to delete your browser history after viewing but then view a few innocent pages or your H may become suspiscious if he checks up.
I think you need to make arrangements to leave and go without telling him initially, then start the appropriate proceeding from a safe place.

Good Luck.

Whilst he is away you should go through filing cabinet and safe and remove all important documentation like children's birth certificates, bank statements that are yours, children's passports etc tbh. Also try and find where he hid your passport again. Then give them to a friend so they are no longer in the house. You cannot start over if you do not have necessary documentation, if the worst comes to the worst.

Go to Womens Aid as you have said and get advice as well.

I'm hoping most of what he is saying is threats to intimidate you but maybe not? Is there somewhere safe you can go with children if necessary? As one way or another you need to be separated to protect you and the DCs.

Lone parents get income support, tax credits, healthy start vouchers, council tax benefit and rent relief or help with housing costs if home is mortgaged etc. If you do move out, or he does, get down the job centre and sign up onto income support, it begins very very quickly. You will be ok. I am, my H and I separated 6 months ago and yes it's a struggle on benefits but my bills are paid and there is a roof over my head because of it and I don't feel guilty as I paid my tax for years before children and I needed serious help as my H had lost his job and wasn't supporting me anymore.

You do need to separate though, him going away is the perfect opportunity to get your paperwork in order and out of the house for starters and maybe pack a few things and also give to the same friend so if you need to leave in a hurry you can, with just the clothes on your back.

Those are my initial thoughts.

Try womens aid, he really is abusing you by trying to make you think you're crazy, and his threat to hurt you is very scary.

Also in the event you need ot go thro CSA for child maintenance, take a note of his NI number, and his workplace details they need these details to chase him.

Actually if he went to Australia you'd get great CSA payments, apparently Australia is very good in ensuring fathers pay for their children...hopefully he does go to Australia then! In which case I would also take a copy of his passport incase they need the details to chase him for child maintenance!

Just had another idea, you may want to set up a mail divert at post office and direct mail to someone you can trust for you? It's pretty easy to do tbh, but they do require a couple of forms of id, such as a utility bill and passport or driving license to do it.

Well worth considering. I have a good friend in an abusive marriage, mainly verbal and her mail is now disappearing. You may also have to consider changing passwords to various internet things such as your e-mail etc. Depending on how things go, it may well be worth preparing for the worst, well and truly. I'm not trying to scare you but prepare you.

Hope you see what I mean here x

Thanks for all the advice.

I am going to take time this week to get copies of all the paperwork and to get all the important documents together. I'm going to take copies of his payslips and passport details too (must get that before he leaves.)

I think he took my new cash card which was posted out weeks ago but I've never seen. I have had to order a new one.

I will get onto the professionals tomorrow to see what choices they think I have.

Yes good idea. Do you have a key for safe or know code? I'm just thinking if he's very paranoid he may take it with him or change before going away?

Yikes I never thought of that! I must take the children's passports out before he leaves. I don't have a key. But then he'll notice them gone and wonder why.

If he changes the code before he goes I'll lift the thing (it's very small, just a place for passports and I keep the medicines there too) and take it to a locksmith. Or I'll get a crowbar.

Ummm a locksmith may not like opening the safe for you, without proof it's yours possibly? You may have to take them out and hope he doesn't notice to be honest. So difficult to tell but you do need them imo.