Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please tell me I'm hormonal and overreacting

25 replies

WelshBeth · 31/05/2010 12:31

Hi, I'm new and really looking for some advice. I've got myself into such a state, just spent half an hour locked in the bathroom talking to my partner through the door until he left. He's really into photography but it's just a hobby at the moment. He's arranged to meet with a model today to do some fetish style photos (PVC etc) and then go for lunch afterwards. I'm really, really trying so hard to remain calm although I'm quite a jealous person, I've really tried to hold how I feel in. I'm 6 months pregnant, really hormonal and my self esteem is really rock bottom. He's gone to meet her and I'm absolutely distraught. I just don't know what to do or think. This woman is his a perfect fit for his "type" and it just hurts so bad to know he's with her. We've been together for 7 years. How should I feel???

OP posts:
EleanorHandbasket · 31/05/2010 12:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ib · 31/05/2010 12:37

Is he hoping to go pro? Is he trying to build up a portfolio?

Sex is where much of the work is in photography I'm afraid...

Original poster
WelshBeth · 31/05/2010 12:37

Thanks Eleanor that's kind of how I feel about him at the moment

OP posts:
BalloonSlayer · 31/05/2010 12:37

Why is he doing fetish type pictures?

  1. Because she is paying him to take them for her portfolio?
  1. Because he has heard there is a lot of money to be made from pictures like that?
  1. Because he has an interest in that sort of thing?

I would have a big alarm bell ringing if the answer was 3, be feeling a bit if it was 2, and unconcerned if it was 1.

EleanorHandbasket · 31/05/2010 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BalloonSlayer · 31/05/2010 12:38

x posted with ib

Original poster
WelshBeth · 31/05/2010 12:40

I don't think he's actively seeking to go pro but I guess he's trying to build up his portfolio. I know sex sells, maybe I'm just not cut out to be with someone who wants to do that type of work

OP posts:
Original poster
WelshBeth · 31/05/2010 12:43

BalloonSlayer.

  1. He's paying her...lol
  1. He wouldn't be selling the photos, he would probably use them to build a portfolio of work.
  1. He has a huge interest in that kind of thing.

I think thats why I feel so upset

OP posts:
BalloonSlayer · 31/05/2010 13:45

Oh.

In that case I might find myself agreeing with Eleanor

Original poster
WelshBeth · 31/05/2010 13:54

Thanks everyone, you've made me feel more sane! x

OP posts:
bearcrumble · 31/05/2010 14:05

Poor you, Beth. I think any sane woman would have reacted in the same way as you.

He's being a cunt, quite clearly.

He'd rather give money to a fetish model than keep it for his family and unborn child.

He's left you alone on a bank holiday Monday to do this.

He knows how upset you and he went anyway.

Fucking arsehole.

dignified · 31/05/2010 14:09

Agree with everything Bear said. Id be tempted to tell him not to bother coming back.

rollerbaby · 31/05/2010 14:13

I cannot believe that this is a real post, but if it sadly is, you seriously need to get rid!!! It doesn't even need thinking twice about... what an arsehole.

Trillian · 31/05/2010 14:27

Wow what a dick.

Could you have gone with him? Would have spolit his fun and you would at least know what he was doing.

Has he alway been so selfish? Why are you having a child with this man?

mamas12 · 31/05/2010 14:39

omg what a great idea trillion.

But I don't think he would 'let' her

Try it though Beth or get rid.

Unfortunately I made a similar mistake where my ex was making a music video and the song was about sexism and do you know what he did.
Yes he employed a lap dancer kind of model to portray some of the things that men think of women

He just couldn't get it that he was contributing to the sexism. Oh no.

mamas12 · 31/05/2010 14:41

btw your not hormomal and you are not overreacting.

Think about it and contact him now to say it is unaccepatable to leave you not because you may be jealous.
That's a facetious red herring.

You are entitled to feel the way you feel becasue he is a dick

DuelingFanjo · 31/05/2010 14:47

I think it's fine for him to be taking the photos but why is he having lunch with her? That to me seems uneccesary.

I think that perhaps the nature of the photographs is what is upsetting you but if you trust him to just have her as amodel and a subject for his pictures then you shouldn't worry so much.

How do you feel about him taking photos of other women? Is it just the fetish gear which upsets you?

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 31/05/2010 14:49

How much did you talk about this before he was doing it? I think you are hormonal and he is not listening to how what he is doing makes you feel. I guess you assume he is going to shag her?

Original poster
WelshBeth · 31/05/2010 16:04

Thanks for replying, unfortunately this is real Honeymoo, wish it wasn't.

I think it's probably the leaving me alone on our day off, I guess that fact that I know this is a fantasty of his and he's doing it with someone else.

I know I'm extra hormonal at the moment so I guess that's why I needed to gage how other women would react in my position. I don't think he would actually have sex with another woman...and if he did well he's a bigger fool that I thought.

The lunch thing is annoying me too..he's obviously in no rush to get home.

I'll wait and see what he says when he finally returns! keep you posted x

OP posts:
rollerbaby · 31/05/2010 17:14

the fact that this is a fantasy of his AND he is having lunch with her AND he knows you are upset AND you are pregnant is absolutely disgusting. If this is how he treats your concerns (and this is a fairly major one) it isn't a great indicator of his integrity and respect. Just read it out to my OH and he nearly spat his tea out... seriously, I wouldn't take any shit off him. And it's not fine for him to be taking the photos. By your own admission this is a hobby not a professional foray. I work for an ad agency and quite frankly, unless he wants to get into the more sordid side of life, this is not a subject that is going to lead to work that you'll be happy with.

I feel for you and I'm sorry to be so blunt but this is absolutely unacceptable in my eyes.

You need to have it out with him.

Original poster
WelshBeth · 31/05/2010 18:13

He just got back...not bad considering he left at 12. Anyway, he said that to him it was like shooting a landscape, it just allows him to be artistic in different ways.

He hasn't appreciated how he's made me feel at all...I wonder sometimes if I actually know him at all!

OP posts:
mamas12 · 31/05/2010 19:03

Oh really and you're going to swallow that are you.
Have you seen the pictures and do you know where they went for lunch?

Lovely he doesn't care about you at all does he,or baby, just himself.

ItsGraceAgain · 31/05/2010 19:11

He's paying her??!!
No, YANBU

Is she a professional model? Can I see her in a magazine, advertising cheesy strings or something?

CrankyTwanky · 31/05/2010 19:21

Sorry, but he is paying someone to sexually titilate him and he is paying for her company. No different from using a prostitute IMO.

Honestly, I'd throw him out.

You poor thing.

He shouldnot be doing things that make you feel this way. It's not like it's his actual job.

CrankyTwanky · 31/05/2010 20:34

OK, been bathing the babies and mulling this over. TBH, I'm getting fucking livid on your behalf!

Where did your OH find this woman? Is she a prostitute?
The fact he is having lunch with her indicates he either is, or intending to have a relationship with her. Cheating, in my book.

He has no right to make you feel like you are being unreasonable.

He has left his PG partner alone crying. How would he feel if someone did that to his daughter? What kind of role model is he being.

It was "just like a landscape" was it?
Tell him to shoot fuckig scenery then, the prick.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page