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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

dh says he is leaving :(.

9 replies

3andahalfmonkeys · 31/05/2010 11:33

just had a huge row.he told me to leave then I told him to leave. this was all in front of dc . dd clung to him crying when he went to go. he is still here but wants us to split. I am in bits buy it is all my fault - he cant put up with me anymore. r

OP posts:
Fliight · 31/05/2010 11:36

Oh no...what has been happening leading up to this? Please talk about it, it might help a bit x

KorkiiEffenkrakers · 31/05/2010 11:37

Don't say it is all your fault. I bet it isn't. It takes two to have a relationship also shame on him for upsetting your kids so much

Speak calmly to him and tell him that you will smooth things over on the surface for the sake of DC and talk LATER when they are in bed. Good luck 3and a half. I have been there too (including taking all the blame which I now deeply regret plus on knees begging etc which I deply regret too). Be strong. This too shall pass (hugs and strength).

3andahalfmonkeys · 31/05/2010 12:11

we have put it to one side for the moment for the kids. he is currently on internet looking for somewhere to live. I have a history of depression - and he has had enough of my mood swings etc. we both argued in front of dc. it is me - a good friend has recently told me she wants nothing to do with me either

OP posts:
KorkiiEffenkrakers · 31/05/2010 12:24

Have you had counselling/meds etc?
(Have been thinking about you)

3andahalfmonkeys · 31/05/2010 14:07

not had counselling - am on waiting list. have a cpn who Isee about once a fortnight. and am on sertraline. I just hate being like this - this happens every few months but this time is different - he has had enough.

OP posts:
bearcrumble · 31/05/2010 14:29

I'm so sorry - being depressed is not something you choose to be and he should be understanding rather than rowing with you and threatening to leave.

I tell you, one book that really helped me when I was deeply depressed, probably as much as the CBT if not more was Depression: The Way out of your prison by Dorothy Rowe.

It's not a self-help book and I was v dubious when someone recommended it to me, but it's worth reading. You can get it really cheap second hand on Amazon.

cheesesarnie · 31/05/2010 14:32

it is not your fault.your not getting enough help.were having trouble with the cpn at the moment too(for my dad).they need to increase the help as you obviously need it.and as for your dh and your 'friend'-they should be able to see that.

for you.dont blame yourself!

sayithowitis · 31/05/2010 19:34

I am for you. However, I also know how difficult it can be to live with someone who is severely depressed. FWIW, I am very much in the 'should stay and be supportive' camp, but I know from experience that it is extremely difficult to continue being supportive when the person with depression is having a bad time. Unfortunately, there is little help and support for the person ( in this case, your DH), giving the support and at times it does become too much for them to bear.

Bearcrumble and Cheese, I mostly agree with you, but have you ever read any of the threads on here where it is the male partner who has depression? They are full of 'he's just using it as an excuse - bin him' and 'it's HIS responsibility to get it sorted and shouldn't be taking it out on you' type posts. I am in the middle on that. yes, it is the depressed person's responsibility to seek help and no, it is no excuse to act like a twonk. But, I do believe that part of depression is that you are not totally in control of your actions when you are going through a bad period. I know that our family had a very difficult time when our loved one was going through this. It still affects me now. It is at the root of a couple of family problems ( within the extended family)that are still not fully resolved. But it has made our relationships with the closer family even closer and stronger.

OP, is there anybody within the family who can offer support to your DH? I can understand that he has reached a stage where he has 'had enough', but you both need support, for your own sakes as well as the children. Maybe your GP can help speed things along with the counselling? TBH, our loved one was on about three different meds during their depression, but it was the counselling that actually was the road to freedom for them.

LoveBeing34 · 31/05/2010 19:36

It must be so hard for both of you, is there any other stresses on the relationship?

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