I've always had a really good relationship with my Dad. He and my mum separated when I was about 8, and since then I've gotten on with him a lot better than I have with my mum, who has her toxic, controlling moments.
I'll admit I put my Dad on a pedestal when I was growing up - he was the polar opposite to me of my mother, who was (and sorta still is) controlling and manipulative. My dad is about as passive as they come, and friendly. The trouble is, he is also completely unreliable, which is something it has taken me years to appreciate, after denying any of his faults just because my mum pointed them out first.
Up until November, he worked abroad a lot of the time, so I didn't see that much of him. It was a shame, but there wasn't much we could do. When he was in the country, he tried to see us a fair bit, but he was seing quite a time-demanding woman. I can't drive, so relied on him coming round in order to see him, which often meant a lot of reminding him - his memory is pretty poor and always has been.
The thing is, it's gotten to the point where I need to tell him that saying he's going to call and arrange something and then leaving it until 20 minutes before he planned to pick us up isn't good enough. My DS is only 2y/o and we need more warning than that, especially since my Dad is late to rise, late to bed, and visits at his house often end up dragging out way past my DS's bedtime. But a few months ago he started seeing someone else, who he's really hit it off with, and they're planning to move in together in the autumn. She has two children of her own, twins, and one of them is disabled. I like my Dad's new partner just fine - she's a lovely woman and I'm glad he's got someone to be happy with - and I have no problem whatosever with him taking on her children. I just worry that it's going to seem like I do if I start laying down boundaries now, when for the last two years I've just left it and left it, and kept my frustration to myself.
I'm 33wks pregnant, too, so I know that shortly routine and such are going to be even more important, and I'm sick of him saying that he's going to call and organise something and then forgetting. Over the last couple of months there have been several occasions where we put plans on hold waiting for him to confirm something, only for him to not call at all, and leave us hanging around for an entire day. My DS is still young enough that he doesn't notice, but I don't want him to grow up feeling let down, especially since I know there's no malice behind it (he really does just have an utterly hopeless memory, which I have inherited in part) and when he's around, we have a great time.
It doesn't help that my DP has depression, and anxiety issues, and needs time to mentally prepare for seeing other people and visiting my Dad's house. It puts him under a lot of stress to not know what's happening, which is why I need to say something to my Dad. I just don't know how to do it without making it sound like it is because of his new relationship, when it isn't. I'm kinda hoping his new partner can help him be more organised, but at the moment, she's still only seing him at weekends, which means his house is a bit upside down where they're camped out there.
There's more, I'm sure, but this is getting long enough as it is. Does anyone have any advice? I don't want to hurt his feelings, and I don't want to just blurt it all out, because, quite rightly, he'll probably wonder why I've never said anything before, and think it's to do with his partner and her children. The timing does make it look like that, but if I leave it any longer I'll have two children to worry about when he makes plans.