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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Another Aspergers thread...

2 replies

1234abc · 30/05/2010 12:31

My DH and I have not really gelled all our time together in many ways. (over 20 years and 2 DCs,( one of whom has a mix of dyslexia, ADHD and dyspraxia.)

I am seriously thinking of leaving him and although the Aspie label is meaningless, in some ways it would make it easier for me if I could pin it on him, rather than admitting I have just made a dreadful mistake.

We did the online Aspergers test- I scored 9 and he scored around 25 which is almost the cut -off point for normal/Aspie. it is certainly at the top end of what is "normal".

The main things about him which drive me mad and make me feel he is on another planet include:

He is slightly OCD- about locking up the house, keeping to a routine ( wears exactly the same clothes eachweek on "Dress down Friday even though he has plenty of choice.)

Collects things- like cameras and tools even though he doesn't use them all- ever.

Likes dusting and cleaning these.

Is ultra-careful/cautious over stuff like receipts- has carrier bags full of old receipts for things bought on his cards- even newspapers and items worth less then a £1.

Has no/few friends and never socialises outside the home except for the very occasional drink with a colleague/ex colleague maybe once or twice a year.
We never have anyone come to our house socially except my girl friends.

He's not great at conversation and over the years I have stopped inviting other couples round as I find he is so quiet I have to do all the talking.

He DOES have good social awareness and picks up body language etc.

He is content to spend a lot of time on his own and doesn't seem to need people.

I don't know if this is normal bloke-ish behaviour, or if there is something else- he is also dyslexic.

anyone any opinion on this?

OP posts:
EricNorthmansmistress · 30/05/2010 12:45

It's impossible to tell from a description. ASD is a continuum and it's possible to be closer to a diagnosable condition than others without actually being AS or similar.
FWIW my DH is probably AS as well. Strong genetic link and he ticks many boxes. It's hard. I'm contemplating asking him to leave too. We haven't spoken since friday evening because I have offended him by being critical. I don't know how long he can keep this up for - let's see shall we?
I'm so bloody tired of it. Nothing is ever his fault, he always looks for an exetrnal reason to blame. This week he had spent too much money because 'everything is expensive in this country'. Well yes - but you still have a choice whether to buy shit or not.

Sorry to ramble - I'm fucking miserable today.

1234abc · 30/05/2010 13:03

I am sorry you are having a rough time.

Things are more complicated for us as my adult son is still living at home ( came back after uni and is not earning enough to move out) and he is very difficult. I don't think he has Aspergers but we have a very, very bad relationship due to him being ADHD when younger AND gifted, which made him impossible- he bullied his sister for years and I was suicidal at times. My son accuses me of giving him a horrible childhood, devoid of love and seems in total denial about his own behaviour.

This leaves me gutted as I gave up my career to bring up my kids- out of choice Ijust worked very part time around school hours and school holidays- and now I find myself middle aged, lost the continuity in my career, and have a very dodgy marriage as well.

In all of this my DH was and is literally "lost for words" and although he felt the emotions he was unable, IMO, to say and do the right thing- ie offering me the right sort of verbal support and empathy.

I found this:

www.asperger-syndrome.me.uk/

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