I was an Alcoholic Ranter!

[ItsGraceAgain]

This is a punt, to see whether it hits a nerve with others. No worries if it doesn't

By the time my last marriage finished, I'd developed such a reputation for being an alcoholic - and nasty with it - that I stopped drinking for 8 months. That's another story, documented elsewhere (I do call myself an alcoholic) - however, I only ranted whilst I was being abused.

Generally speaking, my personality doesn't change when I'm drunk. What was really happening was that I needed to be sober, to be able to override my justified feelings of loss & frustration. For the sake of the relationship, I controlled my natural responses to his control. After a few drinks, I "lost control" ... that is, I stopped helping my H to control me!!

Anyone living through this at the moment?

no, but I have known a few AR's and they are a fucking nightmare, tend to rant at all and sundry regardless of the situation.......

Ahh, that lady on the Tube ... who was sometimes me

No not living through it but I do think some people need The Mask of Drunkenness rather than the Drink itself.
It allows you to do what you really want to do but yet not take responsibility for it.
In your case work it seems like a stage you went through as you prepared to leave your H.
(Sorry if I am way off on your personal circs)

no Grace fear not, the ones I have known have been friends/work mates on a night out, who I didn't suspect of being AR's. Have you really been the Lady on the Tube? I am impressed!

Yep, wukter, you're bang on. I suspect this happens to women more often than men - afaik, blokes who have a 'drunk personality' stay like that their whole lives. Women tend to be shamed for saying screaming what they feel. Your 'Mask Of Drunkenness' fits the bill.

lol, funnys ... er, yes

And the sad thing is while The Mask might have done it's job, and can be thrown away, the woman realises she has become dependent.
Interesting point about the gender differences. I have often thought that - started thinking about it at Uni actually. I All these good girls who got roaring drunk and slept with guys. Why? As time went on I realised it spread to other behaviours too.
Men otoh can articulate sexual desire, anger all these other "needs".

I've just seen this thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/974346-not-sure-what-to-do-next. She could be the 'old' me!

You're totally right, alcohol does create dependency - at the same time as it confuses your thinking/feeling, so it's not a lot of help really. Handy in the short term for hiding what you really need to do, though (like leave him and learn assertiveness).

What did you mean by "it spread to other behaviours too"?

The expression of anger as you said yourself. The "ranting" I found expressing anger very very difficult and noticed I was not the only one of my female friends.
Another was procrastination. Put off worrying about lectures, career progression because I was a party girl who was so much fun. And knowing the hangover would be incapacitating - a whole day written off, nothing tried, nothing risked - but not my fault, eh?
didn't mean this to get so personal. I didn't have a drink problem, but could easily see how one could develop like that

God, yes! I hadn't thought to link the other stuff - like procrastinating [needing to look nice; needing immensely long & expensive self-care routine; needing an hour-and-a-half in the gym every day; needing to check all emails, voicemails & network messages AND reply; needing to shop & cook lovely meals; needing to clean & tidy the house] ... no wonder drunking / drugging seems to offer a respite!

I'm a bit too drunk [ahem] to continue this now but I hope you'll post back. My poor, untidy head's whirling with all this effort

Heh heh Grace I think I'm all out of "insight" for tonight! I would like to continue this discussion though, if you feel like you would like to add.
We're too drunk tired right now.