Hi,
Just posting for a bit of a rant and hope for a little support I guess. I've previously posted regarding my problems with DP (suffering from stress/depression/general resentment of daily grind with 2 x DC under 4).
All we seem to do is bicker and I feel powerless to prevent it. He is normally a shy and retiring man yet when we are at home together he seems to find fault with everything I do. Today I have tried hard to stay cheerful and tolerant (breakfast in bed, had DC whilst he had a shower, kept them occupied so he could have a little time on his own, prepared and cleaned up after lunch etc) yet nothing I do seems to make any difference to his foul moods and I end up feeling angry and resentful re having to spend my weekend looking at his miserable face. When he picks at me for nothing it makes me feel so desperately sad I have had to leave the room twice so DC don't see me cry.
The thing that is most frustrating is that he knows the relationship is on the line, he is starting to address his problems (on medication, started counselling last week) and yet when the DC are up he forgets all the agreement to stay civil and lapses into this angry resentful man.
It's not even a physical expression of anger - for example I watched him in the garden mid-morning, as I was clearing up the kitchen, and he was just standing there, staring, fists clenched, with the most depressed face I've ever seen. As DC are running round the garden like something from an M&S advert.
It's all so raw I know attempts by me to be cheerful and breezy are too quickly damaged by a harsh comment or tone. There's no middle ground - it's either false smiles or end of the world tears.
On my positive days I feel I really want to rebuild this, support him through counselling and feel we can rediscover our love for eachother. But on my black days I cry in despair and end up begging him to leave, or suggesting I do.
Nothing changes.
Thanks for listening.. just needed to vent