Is there life after divorce for a 52 yo woman?

[redcamellia]

Have recently found out that DH has been having an affair, and when confronted he left me and our young DCs.

Am angry and hurt, and would willingly never see him again - but the thought of being on my own for ever after this has made me try to reconcile things.

If I thought I could ever find someone else to love and share with at my age I would gladly walk away - as life has been very miserable with DH up to now. But I'm scared...

What do you think I should do?

Well I dont have any direct experience but I do know people who have met someone else at this age. My mother for one some years ago.

Please dont settle for staying with this undeserving prick. That would be the saddest thing.

Im guessing youll need a fair bit of time to heal.. I think they say one month for every year you've been together is a sensible guide. Then get yourself on some dating sites and start having some fun with men who deserve you.

I speak from the POV of a daughter who has seen her mother being treated badly by my father but still stays. I have witnessed many accounts of abusive behaviour, emotional and physical. Now they are both older (early 70's) and I've long flown the nest, we live abroad with the grandchild and the family home has an atmosphere of tension and discontent. My father still bullies her yet she's scared of being alone. I am tired of listening to her complaints yet she stays. It is sad to see my once lively mother reduced to living out her twilight years in misery because of him.

You have another 30 years ahead of you. Best to make a fresh start now and find love with someone else rather than depend on someone or having to care for someone who doesn't love and respect you.

52 is nothing, you're still mobile, fit, etc. How young are your DC? Get involved in community clubs and build your self-esteem. Not worth crying over a twat!!

Remember that "life after divorce" and finding another partner after dvorce are not one and the same thing. There's more to life than a romantic relationship and it is better to be single than in a relationship that makes you - in your own words - miserable. You might find a period of being alone is OK after all, and gives you a lot of confidence and a fresh start. This happens to so many women in your situation.

(But yes, you certainly can find love too. My mum remarried aged 70. But please don't settle for the first twat who comes along. Take the time to build up your strength, and your standards.)

There most certainly is life after divorce at 52. And we are not talking holding-hands-in-the-care-home life either. Both my DXH and I found new partners at this age and older; my sister found the love of her life at 60; I am going to two weddings this year of friends of our age.

So if the thing that's holding you back is that you are scared of being alone, don't be.

AND although you may not feel it at the moment, you may acutally LIKE being on your own. I loved that too.

It is scary leaving a long marriage, but if you are both unhappy (and your dh must be unhappy if he had an affair) then go for it.

you are an individual in your own right

you don't need a man, especily a cheating twat who doesn't respect you, to validate your life

come on love, show some self-respect and don't settle for a half-life with someone you can barely even look in the face

being on your own, self-esteem intact (and a good example to your dc's) is infinitely better than that

maybe you will meet someone, maybe you won't

your children will carry you though...live through them for a while until you feel stronger

good luck x

There's nothing lonelier than living with someone you don't like and respect.

ps Sorry traumaqueen, can't agree with "your dh must be unhappy if he had an affair". These things do not necessarily follow. Some people have affairs just because they can. Sometimes the "something missing" they're looking for is the feeling they're doing something they shouldn't. There are as many reasons for having an affair as there are people having one.

Crikey! 52! I have been on my own for three years now, after a very long marriage, I am 53 next. These past three years have been the most liberating and interesting of my life.

I have built up my business. I have had time for my children. I have realised that my opinions and viwpoints are valid. I am volunteering for a Women's Charity. I go walking. I am thinking about joining a golf club. And so on and so on.

To be honest, If I did meet a nice man I wouldn't have the time to fit him in, so to speak.

You do not need a man to make you happy. You need to find YOU.

Go for it, embrace the single life. You won't look back.

xx

fabulous, GAG !! kudos to you....this is what Op needs to hear

You will be amazed at how much better your life will be without a knobber in it. Being single is wonderful anyway, and it is absolutely, totally, 100% better than living with a man who mistreats you or who you don't like very much but who you stay with in order not to be alone.
YOur H has left and won't come back, trying to 'make' him or 'win him back' will destroy your self respect to no purpose. Put him behind you and start enjoying your self.

Just wanted to say a big THANK YOU to all of you who responded - you really cheered me up!

When you're in the middle of a emotional upheaval its difficult to think straight - and you have all been so encouraging and upbeat.

You're right - I have had a really awful time in my marriage, and I deserve better as do the DCs ( who are still preteen). You've all given me hope - thank you.

Red - I feel like you and I'm 45, but my marriage is over.

My H made me miserable the last couple of years (detailed at length on here, so won't bore you with it all now) and I am trying to see the benefits of being free of him and single.

I would love to meet someone, I am trying my best to be happy single, but it is so lonely at times even though I have great friends and family.

I am not trying to put a damper on your last post and certainly not advocating staying in a poor relationship, I am just agreeing with the age question and finding a new partner later in life.