Karma

[itsallaboutiandme]

I am new to MN but have been reading this forum with interest for a few months.

My dh has put me through some very stressful situations and I have gone from loving him to absolutely hating the sight of him. In my most stressful times I have wished him to experience the kind of stress he has put me through but does that acutally happen? Isn't that what karma is about? Even now when I look back at some of the things he has put me through I really want him to suffer the 'karma' and that thought calms me. But am I only kidding myself?

While I was growing up I strongly believed in karma but as I have approached my 40s I am no longer sure such a thing exists.

Yes I have seen some evidence of karma (or is it that we end up making wrong decisions) but I don't always see people suffer for what they have put other people through. But this topic intrigues me and I would love to know what other people think.

I was always careful about how I treated people but recently all I see is that the more selfish someone is the less they seem to suffer. Suffering in the main seems to be for those people who are 'thinkers' rather than for people who do something wrong and then either deny it or brush it off and pretend it never happened.

I take comfort in the thought that "thoughts become actions, actions become habits, habits become destiny".

My DP has an awful relationship with his brother who is an awful man he has a wife and children that he does nothing for and another girlfriend and child who he now can not be bothered with He gets his way by blackmailing people and seems to completely lac any sort of morals. He is however well off with a successful expanding business and 2 houses. Its very frustrating to see someone who is so bad have so much and not deal with any of the consequences of his actions. But the way I think about it is that he must have such a hollow existence to never have a true relationship with anyone.

The same could apply to your dh. He may never enjoy a real relationship where you care about someone as much as/more than yourself and that is quite sad.

i do believe in karma.

what you must remember is that karma is always in action. say for example your DH cheated (not saying he did) in yor rational mind, karma would dictate that he will soon be cheated on. however, i believe that karma acts in the best way it sees fit. you may not realise it is even karma acting when he misses his bus home, gets to work late, has a telling off, gets in bad form, goes for a drink after work, comes home and gets angry with his new GF and she kicks him out. to you (if you actually found out about it) that is a totally unrelated event to what he did to you but . then again, you mightn't even find out and still be thinking that karma doesn't exist. he of course will not be standing tehre thinking "this is happening because i cheated on itsallaboutiandme." he may, at somepoint in his life look back and think he was to blame for ehat happened to him. he may not. but i do still believe in karma. it just doesn't work in the obvious way we would expect to see it.

staryeyed - isn't that the point though that because he doesn't know any better it really doesn't matter to him that he has a hollow existence. At least he has his material comforts and while they don't provide all the happiness a person needs they go a long way. So again it reinforces the question 'does karma' exist or is it a myth that we are introduced to in the early fairytales.

i also dont think karma is something you can wish on someone, i think it will happen regardless.

I see what your saying but I would rather love and have the love of my family than material things (although they would make things easier) But I think one day he will realise that he is a sad lonely man and that noone actually likes him and he might just realise that he caused this by his own actions.

karma is a funny thing - i think booyhoo has it on the head.

my ex was a twat, generally, in the way he acted towards me (not abusive, just idiotic) and karma paid him back by finding me a lovely man to leave him for.
someone who's everything ex wasn't to me.
and someone who isn't afraid to show me that he loves me.

i like karma.

i too would rather have my family's love and support over any material thing. money doesn't fill my heart, just my bank account.

I think Karma in the way you are describing it is a horrible thing.

Surely by wishing bad things on other people you are only going to have bad things happen to you in return? If that's the way you are defining karma.

I agree with booyhoo, karma is'nt always, an eye for eye, sometimes it's obvious, sometimes it is'nt, and stareyeyed bil may not seem to be getting any puinshment for the way he behaves, but the liklyhood is that he actually is, he is probably deeply unsatisfied with his life, and that is his karma.

itsallabout what did he do? Why are you so angry at him?

FWIW, I know a little of what you feel. My DH has (he says unknowingly ) really made me suffer over the last few years.

He moans about stuff now that we are back in the UK and not in his hellhole homeland and I'm sympathetic, but secretly hold him in utter contempt cos I know he's not really going through anything like what he literally put me through.

Sometimes we don't get to see the Karma first hand, we just have to trust in it. Wishing bad on others DOES come back to you, as it's a curse not karma. Karma is something that settles the score on your behalf, not at your behest.

Don't let the stupidity or evilness of others taint your view of the world, please? That way depression lies... Don't let him win.

If you feel as strongly as you say in your OP, I'd start planning your exit! That'd give you a boost!

wellllll, karma would be if you fucked him off

you can make your own karma, if you so wish

You don't know whats waiting down the line for people who seem to get away with being an arse.

All you can do is whats right, always, if you're hoping for good karma to come your way.

Yeah AF, "Living well is the best revenge" or something like that....

LittleMissHissyFit I think it would be a shorter list if I was to write what he hasn't done!

AF yes I have contemplated my exit many times. Maybe I am weak or maybe I lack self-esteem. Right now I am happy with what I have decided. And believe it or not he seems to have turned a massive corner all on his own. Anyhow this post wasn't about that specifically.

After struggling for a long time with hurt and despair, I really did have a light bulb moment about only being responsible for my actions and trying to do the right thing for the sanctity of my own soul. I also recognised (after almost 10 years) that most of the issues he has are his entirely and not mine.

It is interesting to read that wishing bad on a person is not seen as wishing they have karma hit them in the face.

There's a great line in the new Tracey Thorn single, Oh, The Divorces! "He was a charmer, I wish him bad karma" its so simple but sums up how we all feel at sometime. The whole track is very gut wrenching, I actually had to turn it off half way through and open a bottle of wine!! I do believe in karma, it gets me through!! although I wouldnt wish anyone any physical harm, maybe just crabs or something!

I don't believe in karma, because some really horrible things happen to good people who didn't deserve anything of the sort. If you believe it works to punish evil then surely it works to compensate good? Otherwise it's nasty stuff and we should hope it doesn't exist.

However I do believe that people who live their lives without decency or consideration for other people will, almost certainly, eventually suffer from the quite logical consequences of being horrible. In the example booyhoo gives, starting with the guy missing his bus, I don't believe any external force "made" him miss his bus. Good people miss buses too you know, sometimes because they stayed to help a friend or helped an old lady across the street! But because it made him grumpy, and he takes that out on other people, it is likely to have knock-on consequences. He didn't miss the bus because he was nasty to his girlfriend - that's crazy talk - totally unscientific. But he was nasty to his girlfriend because he missed the bus, therefore being kicked out was a consequence of his nastiness.

Karma btw, I looked it up in the dictionary, refers to the sum of people's actions in this life deciding what their next life will be. So it does recognise that in one life you don't always get what you deserve. If you believe in afterlife, reincarnation or the like, that's when karma kicks in. The guy who was late home because he helped an old lady across the street may be kicked out by psycho girlfriend who accuses him of cheating, but in the next life he will be a prince. The guy who was late home may get away with it by terrifying his girlfriend into keeping him, but in the next life he will be a cockroach.

totally agree annie

Itsallabout Can you get out? is that a viable option? or is it fear that is holding you back.

Remember you are a long time dead, and we only get one life.

I know I'm a fine one to talk, but I think my situation will resolve itself in the end. He'll go back to his land, I'll stay here.

I was tempted to play karma out on my neighbour, they had building work done and promised me they would clear up the mess get my windows cleaned etc, that never happened, I just promised them I would do something tonight, I am tempted not to do it and let them have a taste of their own false promises medicine, don't think I have the heart!