Not really the right forum, but DH having weird episodes after rows...

[HarderToKidnap]

Hi,

DH and I are very happy together. Occasionally though, we will have a row. Once or twice a year it is big, and the rest of the time small or medium. Sometimes after an argument my DH will have an episode of "hyper reality" - he will experience everything very intensely, see things very clearly etc. These episodes last about twenty minutes and he is terrified during them - he says he thinks his heart will stop, as it starts to beat very very fast. His breathing is fine.

These episodes often function as a way to end the argument as we will be in the middle and suddenly it will be "Oh my G-d, help me" and then I am required to try and jolly him out of it/keep him company so he doesn't feel alone. The row then ends. Interestingly it is never during or after a big row, only the small or medium ones, and only I suppose six or seven times a year. I was speculating that they might be panic attacks. He will not go to the GP. Anyone with any similar situations?

Have you actually felt his heart beating fast? I mean, do you know that it's a genuine attack?

It does sound like anxiety, but I have no experience with anxiety attacks to know if they commonly come on halfway through an argument.

He needs to go to the GP, but you know this.

Yes, his pulse absolutely races when it happens.

Who starts the rows that he has these episodes after? Is it always rows you have started? Does he just feel as though he is out of control?

When I was with a partner who was a controlling pathological liar and bully, he used to have fights over the phone - at those times I would experience strange "buzzy" feelings around my head and my sight would be darker in one eye than the other (a very weird experience) - sometimes I would feel dizzy and about to faint, although I never did. I put it down to panic attacks, tbh. Haven't had them since I broke up with the dipshit.

If he is using these attacks as a psychosomatic response to stop the rows, he might be doing it consciously or unconsciously - but first you have to establish the pattern of which rows he does it in.

I have thought about that - absolutely no pattern as far as I can see. I wouldn't say either of us start our rows particularly, they just sort of evolve - usually though it wouldbe me taking issue with something he has said or done, I suppose. Most of them are after/during relatively benign disagreements like whose turn it is to speak to his sister. Our rows are mainly very low key - as I say we do have the very occasional stinker but he never has a reaction to that.

Get him to the GP. No idea what is wrong, but if he is having any issue with his health then he needs to get it checked out.

I've witnessed a few people having panic attacks, including those who had never had them before and ones who felt the need for an ambulence. They are very real and scarey to the person going through it, more so if they don't know what it is. I do think though once you know what one looks like, being the observer they are quite easy to stop again. Look it up on a reputable site ( sorry can't do you a link as on my phone) and see if you think it sounds like it before speaking to your patner.

Does he recal having them at any other time? I assume you are asking about this as it seems z convient way to end the arguement without resolving anything. Is he concerned about these episodes afterwards? Is there a reason he has not taken himself off to the doctors?

Nit stop again, SPOT again, bloody phone!

I completely believe they are real. I am just a bit worried/curious I suppose. He will only go to GP if actually about to die. I forced him to go after he was having rectal bleeding and they did an internal, which he wasn't expecting! Since then he says he cannot face his GP.

To avoid going to the GP and to avoid a)DH being distressed b)YOU being forced to capitulate during rows by the arrival of this phenomena....... why don't you sit down at a point when you're not rowing......and talk about it and say that obviously rows are not good for either of you and you need to find another way to resolve differences?

They do sound like panic attacks which are vile to the person experiencing them. The risk is he could see it as a useful way to deal with a stressful situation. I'd ask him what is so stressful.... why does a disagreement/row create such a response. It's either because he is frightened about the consequence of the row or frightened of not being in control?

Avoid letting the panic attack control either of you