DH and tension with friends (sorry long)

[hillbilly]

I think my dh has unrealisticly high expectations of people and because of this is constantly disappointed in them. Over the years he has (silently) fallen out with at least 4 people (what I mean by silently is that he has never addressed the issues with them). In his opinion they have each offended him or been rude to him.

He is very upset with me because he thinks I am not on his side. I have remained friends with the people in question but it has been very difficult given that I have to make excuse for dh not being present at dinners, drinks etc.

I am on his side but think he is over reacting to these situations. Given that he says about himself that he "likes to talk about issues and get them resolved", he has not done this with any of these people except with one under duress when I pushed him to.

A couple of these people are friends we have met since having kids, another is a friend of about 9 years and another is family. I just don't know what to do. I love him but am finding this constant tension very difficult to deal with.

I think, thebride, that his timeframe is a lot different to most peoples. He hates it when people don't get back to his text, call, email quickly and does not appreciate sometimes that people have very busy lives and circumstances can dictate. The same with his perception of them being rude to him or ignoring. I tend to have a "give the benefit of the doubt" mentality and realise that circumstance can have an effect on things people say or don't say.

and Dixie I agree that life if hard enough without creating extra tension.

well I think he needs to avoid mixing business and friends as it doesn't seem to have come out well

I always run through a little checklist before contacting NHS Direct about a baby crying

1. Is he "clean" has his nappy been changed?
2. Is he hungry? How long before his next feed is due?
3. WAIT, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?

He sounds like a right wanker TBH. His problems with other people are his problems, not yours. This sounds like he is seeking to alienate you from friends to me.

"his timeframe is a lot different to most peoples. He hates it when people don't get back to his text, call, email quickly and does not appreciate sometimes that people have very busy lives and circumstances can dictate."

That's the issue though. He's assuming that he is everyone else's number one priority and getting peeved if he's not. It's quite a self centred attitude.

Also, agree with the "don't mix business and pleasure, money and friends" if you're prone to being like that.

Yes he definitely needs to avoid mixing business with friends and family it has been a disaster thus far.

Thanks everyone for your posts - I'm in agreement with a lot of things although he's not a wanker.

Anyway I'd like some suggestions as to how to resolve this.

< whispers >

he might not be a wanker...but he's acting like one

Yes I know - how embarrassing

my DH acts like a wanker when he is pissed

he isn't a wanker though...unless it is mutually agreed