Are things changing now that I am married!?

[hmmjustwondering]

Hi ? I have name changed for this.

I am recently married and have some concerns about my DH?s slightly clingy behaviour.

He has never been particularly keen on me going out on work events without him. A couple of weeks ago there was a weekday night out with work which I had tickets for. DH did say he wasn?t keen on me going but I said I would make I sure I wasn?t late etc and had already bought the ticket so would go this time. Anyway, the evening I was supposed to go, he asked me why I had agreed to go when I knew he didn?t like it. Anyway, long story short I ended up texting to say I didn?t feel well, and didn?t go.

Since then there have been a couple of other times when I feel ever so slightly bullied. For example this week he wanted me to phone in sick as he had a day off work. I?m not the sort of person to phone in sick for no reason. But he was so adamant that I should want to spend the day with him as it is rare we get any time alone. So I phoned in sick, and was quite stroppy for the next couple of house. But ended up having a nice day.

And finally, his DD lives a long drive away from us (6 hours) so we see her once a month normally for a weekend plus longer over the holidays. My DD has a lot going on over the next few weeks which means I cannot make it to visit his DD for a while. I would like DH to just this once go on his own but he completely refuses to do this insisting that either he won?t see his DD for approximately 3 months (way to long for her), or that I re-arrange my DD?s plans and go with him. I have really looked hard at the calendar and there is nothing I can easily arrange on this occasion. I would normally never expect him to go on his own but just this once it is the sensible thing to do?

These things are not big in the scheme of things, I realise that - but they only seem to have come to light since we have been married and I am wondering whether this is a sign of things to come?! Anyone else had similar experiences??

WOuld YOU ask your husband not to go out "with the boys" - or would you ask him to phone in sick just because you had a day off? He should understand you need time with your friends and that your job is important to you, doesn't mean you don't love him.

I would say you don't want to spend too much time discussing this particular issue - it just gives it credibility which it doesn't deserve. Tell him you are sorry it has worked out this way but it is unavoidable and he will have to visit his DD on his own on this occassion. If he says he won't go on his own just tell him that is up to him but your plans are made. You are not responsible for his crazy behaviour - you just have to do your best for your own child.

controlling

huge red flag

The reason he won't go to visit his dd alone is because he doesn't want to leave you unattended or unsupervised

Forget nipping this in the bud, you need to bite the whole arse right off it, quickly.

"the usual line is that I shoud be pleased he loves me so much and wants to spend every moment with me"

So he's also telling you what you should think and feel. Another controlling behaviour, I'm sorry to say. Most people don't do that; we might say 'sorry, I didn't realise you'd see it that way' or 'I didn't mean it the way you're imagining, I meant it that way'. But we don't say (and I bet you don't either) 'you should see it my way'. He's trying to make you think that your reactions and discomfort are unreasonable, irrational and wrong.

Gaslighting.