Why is dh doing this?

[DottedPyjamas]

I turned 35 a few days ago. Dh is a couple of years older. He is very odd about getting old, for his thirtieth birthday no less he asked his sister not to call and didn't want any recognition made of the day because he didn't want to remember . He started losing his hair prematurely, in his 20s, and he has quite a bit of grey hair, even on his body. None of this bothers me, but looks like it does him. He has had two hair transplants and uses Clinique beauty products. I use the very basic beauty products like face wash, moisturiser and shampoo and only wear make-up for special occasions like weddings.

Whenever we see an ad for products for older skin (or walk past it in a shop) he starts nudging me and (kind of jokingly) telling me it's time for me to start using them. He's been doing that on and off since before I turned 30. The other day I was bent doing some writing when dh was looking at my head and suddenly started whooping in glee. Turned out I had a grey hair . He was actually delighted, and hooting and jeering too. He goes, you probably want me to pull it out don't you? So I said, No actually I'm not bothered. Which is what I always say when he starts his you're getting old gamejoke.

We didn't do anything on my birthday because I had an awful toothache and then a terrible bout of sneezing and a touch of flu too. Today dh comes to me and says "You've been ill since your birthday. Ha ha, you say you're not bothered but it looks like you've made yourself ill thinking about your age". This is not normal surely? What is he playing at? Even my birthday card from him talked about my "ageless beauty". WTF.

Any thoughts or advice please?

Er, he needs to grow up and act his age?

He sounds like a complete knob tbh, annoyingly vain too.
How would he cope with something serious, like facial disfigurement etc.

Sounds like a weirdo

He sounds exhausting. No wonder you are going grey. Tell him to get a grip.

There is nothing attractive about a vain man.

Maybe a touch of BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder). Or, if not quite that extreme, definitely an unhealthy obsession with appearance. He sounds very insecure, did he get teased a lot about losing his hair when he was younger?

why is he doing it? because he wants you to share his insecurities, that's why. He is freaked about getting old and he doesn't like the fact that you appear not to be.

Maybe you look quite obviously younger than him?

Just say things like "I LOVE my wrinkles, they show that I have lived and laughed" and "I think grey hair and wrinkles make me look soo distingiushed". You don't have to believe it but he will know he is onto a loser.

Thank you everyone for the responses. Yes madonnawhore he did get teased about that when he was younger.

msboogie when we first got together over ten years ago he looked quite boyish and slim in spite of the receding hairline. Not so now, I probably do look much younger than him I think.

I don't have wrinkles btw! And I have used the grey hair looks distinguished line before, but it still doesn't stop him . I wouldn't care if it was just some passing thing with him, but these comments have been going on for years and I'm really tired of it.

Definate transference of his issues on to you - if he can convince himself that you're suffering from the same obsession/worry re ageing, then it makes the obsession seem more normal.

You need to put him straight - he needs to address this because it's not a normal reaction to ageing. Possibly what he needs is reassurance that you'll still love him and find him attractive when he's old.

he has ishoos

you are a fool if you let him take them out on you

I suggest zero tolerance

tell him to shut the fuck up when he starts and walk away

sounds like you a married to a moron, no offence

Very short and to the point TheUsefulSuspect , I like that.

I do find him attractive naturally, it's the beauty products and obsession with medical procedures (one more hair transplant and a teeth whitening in the pipeline) that I find very, very unattractive. I will tell him that.

He sounds like a tool. Try "shut up slaphead" next time he starts.

my oh started going bald when I met him and he was 25 and he always shaved it off.Hair transplants, tell him not tobe so vain and like what he got and not to project his emotional bullshit onto you, stupid twunt that he sounds.

All seems pretty unanimous.

Almost as if some of you are the same person!

hair transplants ??

does he look like that twat, Dr Christian, off telly ?

hair transplants look shit...does he realise that ?

honestly, vain men just come across as muppets...so unattractive