how to leave abusive husband

[yellowiris]

This is the kind of thing that will have been discussed here 100s of times but each case is a bit different.

For me, we've been married 14 years. Have 3 children (11, 10 and 8) 9yo is severely disabled. I have not worked (earned!) for 10 years, home-educated the children until 2 months ago, ds9 is just starting special school now but in for 1-3 hours a day to get used to it.

My H has a well paid job, we own our house and have some savings. I started divorce proceedings before Easter and he got a letter from my solicitor to inform him. Then he started to suck me back in, being all nice, saying the right thing, and I have not gone any further with divorce.

He is a tricky, manipulative man. He hid my passport recently, he got angry and threatened to hurt me then told me I wouldn't be able to prove it. He has said that he would never move out until forced to by courts. I need to get out of this marriage but know I will not manage it if he is still living with me.

I want to know, can I move out with the children to a rented place and force him to pay for us since I have no income yet. (I will get a job next September I hope when kids are in school full time, but can only work same hours as school.)
Better yet, can I force him to leave the house? I have no grounds for a non molestation order really, I don't want to damage his good name and give him a criminal record as that would interfere with his job and I need child support from him.

If I move out can he accuse me of abducting the children, or use it in some way against me, because if he can- he will.

Thanks in advance for any advice.

I don't know the answer but why don't you phone Womens Aid as I'm sure they will be able to tell you the best way of going about it and can support you while you go through the process.

Good luck.

speak to your social worker as well.
if you move and have no income you could in theory claim housing benefit - til finances with H sorted out - speak to CAB.

so you are divorcing but living in same house?

if he has done something to deserve a ciriminal record then so be it - but of course you should not make things up! but if he is harming you then you need to report it.

yellowiris, as the single mother of a disabled child you will be entitled to a number of benefits and you ex h will also have to pay child support, if he refuses he can be made to by the CSA. You won't be well off but you can manage. I imagine you currently get DLA and CA don't you? I am in a very similar position. Though I managed to get rid of my ex h from the family home, though he did not go quietly.

I would suggest you log your concerns with your GP or even have a chat with someone at your local police station if you feel he could become very abusive. Get something logged as having this can be helpful when it comes to explaining why you left the family home. No he cannot have you charged with child abduction, they are your kids too! As long as you making access available to him.

You could possibly get an injuction against him even if the abusive has been verbal rather than physical but again you need to be able to show good cause for this and logging your concerns is a good way to start with this.

WA will tell you all this and more and help you.

You must, must, must proceed with the divorce. If he refuses to move out I think that you can apply for and Occupation Order, he will then be forced to move out. I am not entirely sure but I think that you can also ask for sole occupation of the house with your dc to be part of the divorce arrangements, I know this is the case with my HA tenancy.

If you are unemployed and in receipt of certain benefits you will get legal aid.

Good luck.