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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why don't I feel guilty/ should I feel guilty

5 replies

Ezma · 26/05/2010 13:03

Long story short - split from husband nearly 10 months ago. We have DS of 2yr. Split was mainly down to his lack of interest in DS (plus I suspect there was an OW involved although he continues to deny this). Anyway, since then I've gone through redundancy, got another job (ft ), given myself a bit of a makeover re. weight, fitness, hair, wardrobe etc, started to doing voluntary work and spent loads of quality time with DS and making up for lost time with friends that I'd neglected for a long time. Overall, loads of really positive things but there have been times when I have felt absolutely awful to the point of being suicidal. I did go to the doctor but after a really good discussion I didn't go on ad's as I wanted to see how I got on for another month or so. Perhaps that was the wake up call I needed I don't know. Anyway, I've also recently started dating and have been having lots of fun going on dates with really nice guys (no potential new partners yet though). I am really happy, really trying to make the most out of my life and am feeling really positive about the future. The problem is (and I hear you saying everything sounds ok) that I feel that it's almost too good to be true and, even more bizarrely, shouldn't I still be feeling bereft after the end of a 12 year relationship/ marriage and feeling guilty for moving on with my life so quickly? Am I perhaps in denial and sooner or later it's all going to come crashing down? I know there's no set time for getting over a relationship and at the time and for several months afterwards I was distraught. I know it's strange to question myself like this so anyone's thoughts on this would be appreciated.

OP posts:
mumblechum · 26/05/2010 13:18

It sounds like you are emotionally resilient person which is a fantastic thing to be.

Do not under any circumstances beat yourself up and worry that you're not doing sufficient navel gazing.

Am impressed at how much you cram into your life on top of working FT!

Plumm · 26/05/2010 13:20

Maybe you'd let go of your relationshio before it ended so have already been through the sadness of it ending?

You sound like you're having a fab time - just enjoy it!

RunLyraRun · 26/05/2010 13:26

If you hadn't made it it clear that you have had times of feeling devastated, then I would have been concerned that yes, it may come back to bite you on the bum.

But you acknowledged that you have felt awful for some time, so I would agree with other posters that perhaps you can just be relieved that the dark times didn't last as long as you had anticipated they would. Good luck to you

AnyFucker · 26/05/2010 14:27

I think it shows you made the right decision, and that you have strength of character

You need congratulating on how you have picked up your life and moved on

It isn't compulsory to trog around in sackcloth and ashes for a set period of time, you know !

menopausemad · 26/05/2010 14:32

Sometimes you just know you did the right thing at the right time! Enjoy.

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