Have turfed DP out, taken his keys

[keepstrong]

and atm I dont want him back, how do I stay strong??

You did what you could to support him - now you are giving him your honesty and self-respect. You never know, it might be better for him, too. He might realise what he has lost and try to deal with his drink problem.

Took the kids to school today and dropped the note I wrote last night off with him this morning. He just threw it on the floor. I said well if you choose not to read it and leave it there everyone else will get to read it and realise what a complete idiot you are being....and then I left.

God this is difficult, being cruel to be kind is such hard work. If I listened to the advise I would give afriend in this position I would sail through this...I really miss the man he was and should be.

Keepstrong I don't know your backstory, but reading between the lines, your DH has a drink problem?

If he does sort it out, you won't get the man you first met back. He'll be different, maybe you'll like him just as much, maybe more, but there's also a chance that you won't like the man you're left with.

What you're doing is the only thing you can do, your happiness is your responsibility.

Once I realised that my xdh didn't get drunk to piss me off, that he did it because he couldn't help it, I could detach emotionally. I helped him through the AA meetings as his friend, but I didn't want the person that he became after. The drink was a mask to the bullying abusive person he really was.

If I've read this wrong I apologise.

AF, perfect -lol (the arsehole)

not heard that one b4!!

DT....If I can help him through this asa friend and he stops drinking, if it is tha case that I dont like the person he becomes (which is possible) I would have to be completely honest with him about it. I am feeling very objective about it, I care about his health and his state of mind, he really has been through the mill, but you are righ, my happiness is my responsibility as is the happiness of my children. I will do all I can to help him but for now, for the sake of me and our children I have to remain detached.

Piratecat...I thought that was a good one too

I was just thinking, isnt it funny how your strength comes in waves......about an hour ago I was feeling rather weak but the more I tpye how i feel it kind of reinforces what I should be thinking and each time I come back to this thread and read it I remind myself of how srong I had felt earlier, and where my head was iykwim

Keepstrong my xdh over the years lost most of his friends, alcoholics fall out with people. It was after a weekend away with his remaining best friend where he drank all night and was still awake in the morning drinking wine out of a coffee cup that we realised that he had a big problem. Much bigger it turned out than even I knew as he'd hidden lots of it from me.

I bundled him (and DS1 who was a baby) into the car and drove home. When he'd woken up and sobered up a bit, instead of my ususal response (which would have been to shout and complain then he would have stormed out and got drunk again) I told him that he'd now lost his last remaining friend. That I was willing to support him in sorting himself out, but only as his friend, and that at some point we'd see what was left of our relationship.

He called AA that night and someone came round.

It's not an easy journey for either of you to make. Our relationship didn't last, not because of the drink or even AA but because of the person he is (and always was).

Keep looking after yourself and your DC, he has to get help for himself

How are you Keepstrong?