Splitting up but living together - how to make it work?

[EnvelopeDuvet]

H and I have been going round in circles forever (it seems) and we just can't stay together. H is very impulsive and just wants to sell up, move on. In reality this isn't possible - I am 36 weeks pregnant, the house is still having work done and we would lose alot of money if it went on now. I don't know where I will live as if we sell the house (the 'profit' will be going back to my mum who gave us the deposit) as I will have 3 kids under 5, no job and no real hope of getting one even if I could handle full time employment with my depression I won't get a council house as I guess I have made myself homeless - this is not all something that can be done without a clear plan really. When I think about it I can't see how it would be alot different to how it goes now bar sleeping the same bed and any affection. I am trying to see him as a housemate but is it too crossing the line of 'wife' to ask for help for things? Or do you mostly ignore each other? Eat together, or just sort yourselves out? He has already asked me if it's OK to work Saturday (the day the builders come and I have to manage all that and two young DCs and he said he wouldn't do overtime on a Saturday again) and I said ideally I'd like him to help, but it was up to him (he has taken the overtime). Do I 'pretend' I am a single mum? I have a midwife appointment tomorrow and I just cannot take the DCs but I didn't go to my consultant appointment 3 weeks ago for the same reason, but H already felt it was my responsibility even when we were together. If you have done it, how did you cope?

Okay, let's get one thing straight. A man's looking after his children and doing his fair share of the work that is involved with life and children is not 'helping' or 'helping out'. They are his responsibilities as much as they are yours.

So no, 'I'd like you to help but it's up to you,' BS.

If he needs to be available for childcare then tell him so,

RE: the deposit. If you sell up, then that profit is going to be considered yours and his if the house is in your names. It doesn't matter if your mother gave you money to buy the place in the eyes of the law.

So when you go to sell up, the council is going to expect you to use that money to get another house for yourself, either through renting or buying.

The government is also going to count it as an asset when it comes to benefits.

Because it is.

You need to be VERY firm about his responsibilities with regards to childcare.

Call your midwife and tell her what is going on.

You two need to discuss this between yourself and stop being wishy washy. Be assertive and firm about what you and the children need.

I thought that may be the case re. the equity. Although it may be enough to buy me a little terrace up north or something outright which mum would be happpy with I guess. I just don't want to take the money and throw it down the drain in rent, not when my mum could really do with it back.

Trying to be emotionally detached and practical about it all I will just tell him he needs to look after the DCs tomorrow, you are right.

Tell him and don't give him any time to react. 'At XYZ time, I need to go see the doctor.' End of.

I mean, that's what he does to you, so why should he be any different?

The equity is an asset when it's turned into cash, and they don't care who gave you the seed money.

So it's best to take time to make decisions.

I'd see your CAB asap regarding the situation and see what they suggest.

Expat is right, see the CAB, you are not just going to be cast loose to flounder with no income. And your X is not going to get to have everything his own way as in just walk off and abandon you and the DC. You can probably get a free half-hours worth of legal advice from a family solicitor - once you know all the facts you are in a much stronger position than if you are faced with a man who is leaving you going 'OK this is what's boing to happen, I'm going to dump you, tough luck,' and you don't know enough to be able to point out to him that actually he's going to be paying you whatever percentage of his income till the DC are 18, that you have certain rights over the house if you are married and have DC, no matter who's name the house is in, etc.

Am basically in same situation as you but not pregnant(how the fuck can any man leave his wife when she is just about to give birth to HIS child?).
anyway, dont panic...he cannot, by law sell house over your head. Even if it is in his sole name, he cannot do it if you dont agree. Basically, you go to a solicitor for half hour free "factfinding" session...thats what I did. Solicitor will apply on your behalf to land regisrty, for free, to put a sort of hold on the property, which stops him from selling it unless you agree.
Ubfortunately, you cannot force him to leave the house, and even if you apply to council for housing, unless he has been beating you up, you will not be classed as urgent housing need...so you have 2 choices, as my solicitor told me.
You can ask solicitor to send him a letter stating your intent to divorce on grounds of unreasonable behaviour...this sets wheels in motion of divorce, whereby the house will go on the market and the money will be split equally in order to allow both of you to move into other housing.
or (and this is the weird one, but apparently not uncommon), you move into a spare bedroom, apply to social for benefits and basically live in same house, but lead completely seperate lives...they were the choices given to me...am still struggling to cope with living in same house, but have no money to leave so no choice...stay strong.