IL and Comunication

[MigGril]

Hi,

I'm hoping for some advice if possile. I know my problem isn't as bad as a lot of people's but has finialy gotten to me this weekend.

My OH parents are really poor at comunicating with us, I feel they only ever ring when they want something from us. We live over an hour away and don't get to see them that offten as they seem to be quit busy a lot of the time. Anyway the thing that has finaly really upset me is my MIL rang yesterday to speck to my husband about dates for us borrowing there caravan. Which was odd as I'd already sent FIL all the details the week before and he'd replied to my e-mail. For her then to turn round and say by the way your gran is in hospital and has been since Wendesday. I mean I've know them for 15years get on really well with them most of the time and they couldn't even be bothered to ring us to let us know she'd been rushed into hospital.

This is really just the most recent thing that has happened, it happens all the time if we don't ring them they never ring to tell us anything important. It's not the first time one of the granparents has been ill and we've not been told.

The thing is apparet from bugging them all the time I'm not sure if there is anything we can do about it. They also seem to be like this with other relatives as well. I understand they are busy and have a lot on there plate at the moment. Two elderly grandparents to look after, SIL who's moved back home at 30 years of age because of dete problems and two puppies who seem to be very hard work. But you'd think that when it came to something that important they would ring. Apparently his gran also had a fall a couple of week's ago and was taken to A&E we only got told that this weekend too.

I do find it even more difficult to understand as we had a 3 year old DD who is there only grandchild and they don't seem that bothered about seeing her either. We used to see them more offten before we had her then we do know. But thinking about it we where always the one's to make the effort to go and see them and we don't seem to get the chance as offten now.

I'm just wondering if there is anything I can do or wearther I just have to accept things the way they are. I'm getting more worried now that something really serious will happen I we woun't be told untill it's to late.

Thanks for listions to my ramberling.

Sounds like your ILs are busy in their own little world and too self-centred, or conceivably absent-minded, to think about anyone outside it. Although no doubt a sick grandparent is important to them, letting other relatives know about it just didn't appear on their list of priorities. It may not even have occurred to them that someone else who wasn't directly involved would want to know. It doesn't necessarily make them bad people, just thoughtless. Really don't know what you can do about this as it's no doubt a thoroughly entrenched attitude. Perhaps schedule a regular weekly call (from you, to them, or it won't happen!) to catch up on family news?

I have IL a bit like this; they too live about an hour away from us.

FIL only rings DH if he wants to ask something or to borrow something. MIL does ring a fair bit more, generally to ask a question or for information on something my DH would know about.

We have a 3 month old DS - who is 1st GC. Both ILs are retired, but they've been to visit our home 3 times since he's been born

I think some people are just like that and there's not much you'll be able to do to change them. I understand that it's frustrating though.