If he says "I love you, but I'm not in love with you"

[dontno]

what does that mean?

DH said it years and years ago and nearly left because of it.

He decided within a few weeks that he'd made a terrible mistake and he was really in love with me after all - he'd been off work sick for a few weeks and had too much time to think was the way he put it.

Since then, things have generally been OK between us, we get on well, enjoy each other's company, he's good around the house and very good with the DCs. But, we don't have sex as much as I'd like and I sometimes feel we're not as close as we should be. Get on like close collegues perhaps, but not partners IYSWIM

I often wonder if he was having or on the brink of having an affair at the time. He developed a new lovemaking technique around he same time, but I have absolutely no other grounds for suspicion

But I have been through phases of it - no spark, no desire. It came back. There was no trigger, no-one else. It just happened.

Thankfully we didn't talk about it at the time and I was able to deal with it alone. Obv that isn't alwaysposiible and it does end up needing work out loud iyswim, but I firmly believe that it can be resolved.

I think it can mean that they don't fancy you at that point. Don't all long term relationships go through peaks and troughs of fancying/not fancying? I suppose it's the acid test - if they work through the not fancying bit and don't stray...

I would be very concerned if someone said this to me, however - very much along SGB's comments earlier.

I think it can mean different things to different people and you should talk to your husband.

I have been with my husband for 14 years and I still love him. I am also in love with him and him me.

I think sometimes you can fancy your partner a bit less. That is totally different to actually telling someone "I am not in love with you any more, although I still love you".
That is a very hurtful thing to say to someone and I don't see why anyone would say that unless they wanted out of the relationship.
This isn't something you'd say on the spur of the moment, and is usually the sort of thing you say to someone before leaving them.

I do think that sometimes a relationship has just run its course - this idea of lifetime monogamy being 'natural' was never really right, it suits some people but not others and also the average lifespan is a lot longer these days.
And it's not inherently evil to feel that life has become very dull and routine-driven with a partner - people who make their 'relationship' their whole life and have no seperate interests can start to bore each other fairly quickly - that doesn't mean they have to separate, it means that both need to remember they are separate, interesting individuals and there is more to life than chores and childrearing.
Also, the constant and fairly relentless message that Couplehood Is Compulsory leads to a fair few inertia relationships eg one partner is madly in love, the other one thinks 'Oh, s/he will do, gotta settle down sometime' and eventually the cracks just widen.
However, anyone who actually uses that phrase to a partner is an arse, because it pretty much always does mean 'You are a comfortable piece of furniture, but I want to have sex with other people, consider yourself warned.'