Miserable

[TBC123]

My "marriage" is horrible.

We have been together for 6 years, married for 5. We have a young daughter.

Frequently my husband just stops talking to me for prolonged periods, for increasingly unpredictable reasons - he has not talked to me for 3.5 weeks now after I went to the theatre with a male and female friend. (He took offence that one friend was male).

Things were great at first, madly in love etc. We did used to have some rows - and they could be blazing (probably more my fault, I am the more fiery one).

Gradually, my husband got more upset after rows and would stop talking to me for periods of time. I began to avoid arguements and certainly reign in my fiery side - as he requested.

We have been through couple counselling and did about 6 months - things did get a bit better and then he wanted to stop.

He also took some anti-depressants around the same time, but stopped them early.

He left the family home for a few days a few months ago, and I said he could come home, but asked if he could please have some individual counselling, as our couple therapist had suggested. He hasn't done this.

I feel like he is destroying our marriage and I will not be able to put up with it any longer. Being at home is very miserable for me and stressful. I feel very lonely, my self-confidence is dropping. I am starting to get ill.

I am planning to have some individual therapy now to help me through this difficult time.

I am coming to the conclusion that although he is generally a perfectly nice person he can't cope in an intimate relationship.

Any suggestions? Does this sound like a hopeless case?

Honey, welcome to the club. There's a lot of those miserable sulking blokes (not to mention a few blokesses) out there and many Mumsnetters either are, or used to be married to one.

I'm a used-to-be, so my advice will probably be a bit strong (to make up for the years I put up with it which I now regret), and that advice is: kick the beggar out, and tell him he will get help for his "issues" before he ever comes back. Go see a solicitor to see what your rights will be if you divorce, and let H know you have done so. And don't stand for this sulking nonsense for another five minutes.

Went out with a couple of friends, one of whom was male, huh! It's one of the standard controlling techniques, jealousy manufactured out of nothing much, and giving you the extended silent treatment is another. He's read the textbook "How to be a controlling arse in your marriage". I'd swear such a book must exist because all abusive partners seem to follow the techniques so precisely.

Yes, am planning to see a solicitor just for some advice so I can be in the best position possible if we do split up.