Wise mumsnetters. I need words of strength.

[pleasereassure]

Name changer.

After 10 years of marriage, I asked DH to leave four weeks ago. I won't bore with the details but the lack of involvement with the family, chores, money, no love or affection plus the obsession with computer games all day all night just got too much.

He moved out and is living in a static caravan. Has seen the 2 DSs twice, then took them to his grandmas for the weekend.

On return at lunchtime today, DS1 asked why "Melanie" (false name) can't come to our house. It then transpires that DH has been seeing "Melanie" for the past two weeks and she and her daughter also went to Grandmas for a sleepover.

I knew nothing of this new relationship. I am seething that he chose to foster a weekend away with a new woman and her child, whilst DS1 (7) and DS2 (5) are still coming to terms with DH moving out. It has been less than four weeks. He said he met her two weeks ago and she is a friend of his Aunty's.

Please help me. I want to stay calm. I want to think that it's none of my business. I want to bring my children up understanding that people make choices, some good, some bad. Please help me.

To an extent, you cannot forbid him to have his new partner present when he sees the DC (unless you could show the court that she was violent, a junkie, mentally ill to the point of being incapable of caring for them or somesuch), however you can and should get contact formalized so you and the DC know what to expect.
It sounds as though you need some good legal advice anyway - when a man has mistreated you, never EVER listen to him when he says things like 'Oh let;s sort it out amicably, we don't need a solicitor' because what he means is always 'SHut up, lie back and let me fuck you up again, because you are only a woman and therefore unimportant and I want it all my own way.'

I am afraid SGB is right; you can't forbid contact just on grounds that OW is there, unless she poses a danger in her own right.

Her being there at this early stage is evidence that he is a knob and either doesn't know or doesn't care about the impact of this on you and on the children, but you do not have a right in law to dictate what he does or where he goes with the children when he sees them, unless his choices put them at risk of harm. There is a risk of emotional harm in such a situation where they have to face a new parter in such circs, but if it came to the courts, the judge would probably find that the emotional harm of being deprived of their father was worse.

Do think whether you need to go to an STD clinic - if there is a possibility he had sex with Melanie at same time as you. Know its not a nice thought but got to protect yourself.

Thanks Mustbetheend, but he has barely lifted his head from the computer for the last five months. He hasn't had the gumption to have an affair, of that I can be certain.