i thought i was doing ok!

[poopeeplops]

hi i just need some direction please.........i had a stressful pregnancy wiv the ex and he wasnt ready so i agreed to go it alone but he cudnt let go nd hassled me thruout and he never supported me and turned up to anything , towards the end he got aggressive and said very nasty things which caused me to move away as i feared him after that. He then tried to threaten me and then tried the nice approach, i tried the whole pregnancy to involve him despite spending the best part of every single day trying to understand what i had done that made me deserve this treatment. I had a alot of issues and they wer down to stress and now baby is here he says he wants to meet baby so after 3mths of thinkin none stop i AGAIN made the effort to get him to see him and he denied going to a contact centre as he didnt want anyone knowing his business. I then drove 200miles to him and he was an hour late to meet us and didnt really utilise the time.

Ive come away feeling good in some respect but have a whole load of new other feelings now that its suddenly hit home that IM ALONE, wer do i go from here, ive spent so long holding onto those feelings and awaiting that moment wer he meets his dad and of the pregnancy and now i feel i have some closure but am now left feeling really lost and am no nearer to knowing what the future holds, i really need someone to help me make sense of this, Im so confused now and am right back to feeling like i did before trying to work out my situation!! i hate that he doesnt want me despite me not wanting him, i hate that he doesnt care enough to fight for lil man, i miss him but the old him, so long i waited and held onto those feelings and now its done wer do i go from here? its very scary and reality has punched me right in the ovaries. Any help will do

Do you have close family/friends/neighbours near where you live that you could talk to?

You are going through a hell of a lot at the moment so don't forget to cut yourself some slack. You have had to deal with the whole pregnancy, birth and looking after a new baby all by yourself. You've clung on to the hope that once he's met his son he'll come to his senses and he hasn't. That's one hell of a shock.

I don't know what it is about men that they can compartmentalise like this but you hear lots about it on MN. You'd walk over hot coals to get to your son but his dad can't even be bothered to turn up on time when you've gone all that way. It is very painful and scary to have someone treat you like this.

On the plus side, you do now know that you cannot rely on him on any level. I know that this may not feel like a plus at the moment but, at some point, you will realise that you can start to plan for a future that does not involve him.

In the short term, you need to accept that you will feel lost - you are grieving for what could have been and you are heartbroken for what you have lost. Do you have close friends and family you can talk to? Do you have any friends in a similar position?

I am 9 months post separation and it still hits me in the guts when I realise that my ex is indifferent to me - I can't believe we went from what I thought was a loving supportive relationship to his total indifference almost overnight. I didn't want out of the relationship. BUT everyone says I look as if I've had a load taken off my shoulders, and I have.

I don't always like were I have found myself but I am here and I will make a good life for me and my lovely lovely children and so will you.

omg thank you so much that really hit home and helped me realise some stuff, thanx isnt enough for what uve said.

xx