If a man hurts you...

[bitconfused]

and you know you only have yourself to blame, do you tell him you are hurt- or take it on the chin and keep quiet?

I was contacted via by someone I'd known slightly years ago. we developed a very close friendship- email and phone mainly due to distance. I felt I'd found a soul mate and he made lots of noises that made me think he felt the same. Then he changed the boundaries- mega-flirted and came on very strong and sexual. I held back due to the fact I knew he wasn't over his ex, and had too much unresolved baggage.

But I got sucked in emotionally. Nothing happened sexually as I held back. But he made me think he really cared for me.

Now, he has pulled right back. Not sure why- maybe he has had 2nd thoughts about me, maybe it's down to his baggage and not being over a previous relationship.

Point is- do I tell him I feel hurt- and risk destroying what's left of a friendship- or do I accept I let my imgaination run away with me and just take it on the chin?

I think you should have a chat with him, you say you held back and then he did? He probably thought you had changed your mind or didn't want to move the relationship on. I wouldn't come straight out and say you are hurt but you definitely need to talk about where you both see it heading

I am afraid of making a fool of myself! I suspect he knows how I feel as he has now left all contact to me- he hasn't said that, but it's what has happened for a while- and I am the one to pick up the phone.

Last time we met, it was more sexual but it didn't go anywhere due to his baggage/internal torment and my reservations. He got quite angry/irritated and said we couldn't be lovers, only friends. Now it looks as if he doesn't even want friends. We have had one long phone conversation since then, made by me, and I didn't mention what had happened. Should I and risk losing anything we still have left? Or is there nothing left for him anyway?

Do you want a relationship with him or are you trying to clear the air so you can be friends again?

hmm.

I had someone do this to me. I told him he had behaved appallingly and we haven't spoken since.

In a perfect world I want more- but I also want to clear the air.

His ex and him are still legally married but she has left the UK with their child- but she is dithering over coming back- she has been away for years- he is hanging onto hope she might come back. Meanwhile he has had other relationships before I met him, very much on the rebound after she first left.

I did NOT intend to fall for a guy who wasn't free- we had months and months of platonic chat beore he began moving the boundaries and i told him it wasn't right- then I got sucked in.

Basically, he desperately wanted to get me into bed and when we met last time I eventually agreed to move things on- with some doubts- he pulled back- literally!! He coudn't "perform". I don't know if he feels a fool after 2years of flirting or if he realises the whole thing was a bad idea nad he just wants me out of his life.

Why not find out why? I bet he feels embarrassed?

If you really care for him then give him a chance, not being able to perform is something he can't control. It might be that he does really care and doesn't want to mess it up?