huge crush - what to do

[qqqqqqqqqq]

This is pathetic really.

I have a lovely husband and 2 great DC's but over the last year I have developed a huge crush on a friend and colleague at work. I can't wait to see him, I guess we flirt. He is clever, funny, talented and i send most of my time day dreaming about shagging him .

I wonder if this is a sign that things aren't perfect with DH (although i think we are happy our sex life could do with improving) but we are a young family and its not always easy.

On one hand would like to just switch off my feelings for this other man but on the other I enjoy the way it makes me feel .

Nothing has happened between us so i don't really know what i'm saying or what i want answers too but this is a new expereince for me as until recently i have never even looked at another man.

Concentrate on his bad points.

As long as it remains just a crush I think its quite harmless. Just see it for what it is and focus more on your relationship with your dh and use it as a wake.up vall. Whatever you do, don't act on these feelings. That would get very messy

Sorry. Wake up call. Typing from my phone.

hi ginnny,i hope i can help a bit here as i have been through something similar; i had what i now know to be a massive crush on someone i met through having some work done at home. similar to you married 20 years 2 teenage DCs, DH steady, dependable, kind, just a bit dull. all began with chatting, flirting etc - i take responsibility for pushing it on - we shared a few kisses and things went a bit further with - how shall i put it - intimate touching. i became totally obsessed with him, thinking and hoping it would develop into a fling if not a full blown affair. it didn't - he seemed to cool off after that, i realise now all contact was instigated by me. i've now not heard from him for about 3 months and i think to my credit have done really well by not texting him - no contact as they call it. In a nutshell this whole obsession/infatuation/crush thing has killed me - broken my spirit, sapped my self esteem. what used to make me feel fantastic has made me feel terrible. if i could offer some advice it would be don't act on this crush, it may not indicate anything seriously wrong with your marriage but you may need to have a think about if/why the sparkle has diminished or gone? I wouldn't wish the way my obsession made me feel on my worst enemy. I thought i could handle it and i couldn't. i think he just enjoyed the ego boost of another woman interested in him - he was same as me 20 yrs married, 2 DCs - and liked the breif thrills that came with it. Even now i have tears in my eyes typing this. please have a good think about it ginnny - happy to discuss further if you want...xx

Its not me with the crush Palomino, its qqqq...! Although I have been there and thank God now that I never acted on it, as with hindsight I think it might have turned out for me the same way as it did for you as I think the guy in question had all the wrong motives.
Sorry things went so wrong for you. I hope qqqqqq comes back and reads your advice.

I'm so sorry ginnny - it's the first time i've ever posted on mumsnet too - what a terrible debut! Yes I hope qqqqq will read what i've put!

Don't worry - there have been worse debuts on here!!
Very brave for a first post! Welcome!!!

What to do - absolutely nothing, enjoy!

Just see it for what it is, a bit of banter/flirting that brightens up your day at work.

I'm disappointed if I don't have a mini crush going, but thats all it is, totally superficial, a little daydream call it what you will, changes with amazing frequency.

Never would it have a bearing on any real life relationship though, if anything it would make me a bit chirpier that i've had a pleasant day at work!

Thanks Palomino for your advice, it sound slike you have had a painful time.
I think my crush started out and still is to some extent a distraction from my working life and hum drum at home. DH have been together for 16 years although not married for all of those and we have two small DC. i bcame freinds with the man at work instantly and it turns out we have a few mutual friends. He is everything i'm not is guess. He is in similar family position to me and that obiously something we have in common.
thinking about it i too instigate all non work contact but he does responde quite happily. There hasn't been any phsical contact as such apart from sitting a bit to close, thighs touching etc whilst a bit drunk. I felt mortified after this so just have to remind myself of that when i find myself wanting to repeat it.

I do need to focus on my marriage and put the spark back into that but its so hard not to enjoy these flirtations but i know it would all end messily.

Hello qqqq - yes I have had a bad time and am trying desperately at present to get over the guy, wishing I had never started it! My crush was definitely in response to a dear, kind but ultimately stodgy & boring DH. My two DC as teenagers needing me less and me having time on my hands. The devil makes work for idle hands was true in my case. My mistake was to build up this other guy into some sort of demi-god who was sent to rescue me from boredom. He behaved badly in not being honest with me but it was really my fault for pushing things in the first instance. We had some things in common and got along very well; think we both found each other lively amusing company. I would have gladly taken mre risks and taken things further but he stalled. I am now trying to get my lifeback together (DH knows nothing and I don't even think suspects anything) I became very devious over the months and now feel ashamed. Problem is, I am an all or nothing person so found it very hard to keep things at the stage you are at. I thought about the guy every waking moment for a long time - not the best use of my time. If you think you can keep it all at the level it's at now, all well and good. BUT you do say you think about having sex with him, so suspect you may not be able to keep it simple? I did a couple of things with he guy that mortify me now. It's so hard trying to inject life back into a flagging reltionship especially after a number of years and when you have kids but I am seriously trying. And yes I do feel these sorts of "liaisons" can only end messily. Sorry I can't be more positive, I realise now I made the fatal mistake of getting emotionally involved...I do so wish you well in taking this forward. And as it happens I do agreewith lilacclaire because these things do without doubt brighten one's day - my mistake was to take it all far too seriously and the guy concerned just saw it as bit of fun! Wishing you luck!! xx