friendship over?

[whitetulips]

I am in the middle of a divorce, my dd is due for major surgery, and I am gearing up for the second house move of the year, so feeling a little fragile.
My friend's daughter and mine (14 and 15 years old)had a falling out, as they do. I agree with my daughter that what friend did was rubbish, but did not comment to others.
My friend's daughter posted on fb about it, and my friend joined in. My friend's dh rang me the night before I moved house to try to get me involved, but I have refused.
My dd has just got on with things, and I have been ignored and left out of plans by friend and her (our) friends.
We have socialised together as a family for 9 years.
DS and I have been invited there for a party, but DD is not welcome. I am not going on principle. Is this the right thing to do? Do I call it quits on a long friendship? Do I just not answer texts?
They say you find out who your friends are at times of need, and I have found out that I don't have any. Am now a single parent with 2 kids and no friends because this particular friend is the mutual friend of all the people I socialise with and me.
Is this the spur I need to get out there? Help!

i dont know what the answer is but not inviting your dd is bloody childish and vu. sounds very cliquey and perhaps yes, getitng out there anyway wouldn't do any harm but maybe you should arrange to meet up with your friend and try and thrash out the problem? you could suggest to your friend that the two of you could act as mediators if dd and her dd wanted to try and sort things out?

I wouldn't allow your DS to go into the home of a family that's hostile to your self and DD.

Do you want to be friends again?

I would think , fuck it, they are acting like 5 year olds and walk away but then I am in a foul mood atm.

I have found that some people totally lack an empathy gene, they just can't put themselves in someone else's place and imagine how awful things are. Sounds like your 'friend' is one of these. And getting involved in teenage bickering is childish in itself. Maybe you should arrange to talk away from everyone else and spell out how hard things are for your family at the moment. Or if you don't feel like it, then that is probably your answer.

Sorry things are so rubbish for you.

If you want to remain friends then call her. She may not be aware of exactly what has gone on between the dd's. Saying your dd is not welcome is beyond words really, what does expect you to do really? What would she do if it were reveresed?

What was the falling out about? Do you have just your dd's side of the story?

I don't feel like sorting it out tbh! I am so emotionally knackered I can't be bothered with stupid childish games. Part of me is sad to chuck away a long friendship, but I don't think it is me who has done that.I have not been the one getting involved on fb.
The falling out was about dd's friend accepting an invite 2 weeks in advance to our small housewarming, adults in one room and a separate gathering for the children, then deciding 2 days before that she would rather be with her boyfriend.
The issue was the lack of honesty, and last minute let down, which that child has a history of. Also dd is obviously feeling vulnerable due to divorce and surgery, as we all are. Just a lack of maturity and empathy from that family towards ours, at a time when we all needed true friendship.

How about turning down this invite but inviting her somewhere neutral in a few weeks WITH dd?

Who knows the two girls might make friends again anyway as is the nature of friendship.

they sound bloody awful.

it's really horrible when all of a sudden you realize people aren't who you thought they were. you really have my sympathies.

i would wait a few weeks for the dust to settle. as others have said the girls will probably sort it out amongst themselves.

meanwhile you have to look after yourself. if your friends would really desert you at this time of need, then it's time to look for new friends. not immediately as you've got so much on your plate. for now just concentrate on your family. you need each other now. go on nice days out, get takeaway pizza etc.

re-evaluate in a month or so. it might all work itself out.

fwiw, i think you reacted in exactly the right way.

so sorry about your divorce and the major surgery. very stressful at a time when you really don't need it.

Thanks, I have been trying to look after myself, but am feeling a little lonely tbh.
Having said that we are all going out to cinema tomorrow, and I have a day long course planned for the next time the dc go to their Dad.
I am just a bit at a loss as to how to connect with people, all my friends have been made through the dc and their activities, now they are older I feel like I am really starting again, and it is a bit scary really!
But I have good friends at work,so I am obviously not a completely horrible person, so I will just have to grit my teeth and get out there!