When good friends go bad

[baloothebear]

WWYD? Have name changed.

I have a friend from a significant time in the past and I know her through her brother who I have always had feelings for. She knows this. Recently I got upset as he had a new girlfriend and I confided in my friend
as it was just too painful for me to get close to the family in such circumstances. I havn't been mooning after him for years btw but he came back into my life as a friend after a long break and I realised that I felt for him still.

A couple of months after telling his sister that I still liked him I invited her out for my birthday. The entire night she kept talking about him and his girlfriend and how happy they are. I didn't bring the subject up and kept trying to change the subject but she wouldn't leave it.

I felt quite hurt the next day. I know that she is trying to get me to back off and I know that she really likes the new gf and they will settle down together but I feel hurt that she bought it up on my birthday in such a mean way. Surely it would have been bettre to be straightfoward about it at a different occasion rather than making digs all evening at my birthday.

Well it has worked- she has put me off him as I don't want to be near her either. I have no problem with the message-''he's taken, move on.'' (well mabe a tiny problem) but I have a problem with the way it was done and on my birthday. I did like her as an individual but I should never have confided in her about my feelings for her brother. I had to at the time as it was eating me up being near the family home and I hadto explain why I was getting so upset.

I am fed up with my girl mates treating me like shit. I think on reflection that she is a queen bee type person and mabe felt threatened by my affections for her bro.

I don't think your friend has done anything wrong or treated you like shit, she was talking about her brother and his new gf, presumably she is allowed to talk about the relity of her life and things happening in it without worrying about hurting your feelings?

You are a grown up, you need to get over the crush and realise that it's only affecting you negatively to be so emotionally affected by this.

Perhaps your friend was not trying to hurt you, perhaps she just assumed you would be able to take it without feeling hurt?

Agree with the last sentence OMDB. It was months on after their relationship started. Maybe she thought you had moved on. Not nice feeling hurt though but I wouldn't put it down to her being malicious. Go out and flirt up a storm, 'tis not worth your time to be sad about some guy.

You will probably never know her true motives for telling you all this so I wouldn't bother torturing yourself.

In future when this sort of thing happens with any friend just remember you have got the right to change the subject or even say, for instance, "I'm glad they are happy, stop breaking my heart though please and talk about something else!"

Laugh it off even if you are sad inside because this is purely your tragedy, not the sisters and not the brothers and you'll get more respect for getting over it. But - you have the right to not discuss it either.
People will tread on your toes if you let them. Plenty more pebbles on the beach - that goes for friends and chaps.

Hi - than ks for your replies. I knew I was being oversensitive. What struck me as odd is that she would not leave the subjetc alone. I didn't bring it up or want to talk about it but she did. Oh well- I think I need space from her anyway. Not because I don't like her but it isn't helping my crush.