Nearly four years and it's still hard...

[Feelingoptimistic]

I am not asking for advice, but just some sympathy really !
It's nearly four years since my DH left to be with OW, and things are getting better, but it still all feel a bit unreal, even after all this time.
I was at the bank today, signing some papers, for the mortgage to be in my sole name, and it hit me suddenly that the reason why I was doing all this is because we are divorced and still untangling our shared life, and I wanted to burst out crying.

To be honest, I don't think I will ever get over the sense of loss.

Sorry you feel like this, but understandable

big bar of Galaxy, glass of wine and a few episodes of Friends might help

good luck, and take care.

You still have your home, hopefully your health and you WILL meet someone you ddeserve soon.

Sorry, deserve not ddserve

For crying out loud..

DESERVE not ddeserve or ddserve

English isn't my strong point tonight...too many Glenmorengies..

Don't feel bad because you are stil grieving. These things all happen in their own time. You will definitely reach a point where you accept it - even if you always have a certain sense of loss - and then things will change. It will definitely help to have all the upsetting legal milestones like the mortgate out of the way. Give yourself a hug and tell yourself something great is on its way.

And to be honest when I saw the thread title I really felt for you..........sorry

take care

Oh daer Feelingoptimisticyou poor thing it can be very tough can't it. It can take a surprising amount of time to overcome a huge relationship loss - speaking from experience . It is big but gradually it'll be less bad. Good luck to you, and who knows what's round the corner.

It's when people say "you should be over it by now" that gets me. It took me at least 4 years to put my life back together after ExH and OW. I don't think you ever totally "get over" something like this. You learn to live with the consequences. Comments usually made by smug marrieds as well!

eightieschick, great post.

i am 5 yrs on, and this is the first year things have started to feel 'different'. The things that used to cut, the reminders, even down to food we used to like have deffo got less.
hugsx

I'm 2 years down the line next month. I know exactly whgat you mean by the sense opf life feeling 'unreal'. I am in that kind of limbo a lot of the time. But it has got much much better.

I can't believe it's 2 years since he did a runner tbh. It feels like only yesterday in many respects. And yet, and yet, I am a different person and I am heaps happier.

The thing I struggle with permanently, are the dreams or should I say nightmares. I dream about him nearly every night - him or other old boyfriends sometimes but the same scenariois - they are leaving/have left/have come back unexpectedly...my body goes through the same turmoil and trauma and upset. Bloody exhausting and sometimes it serioulsy upsets me for a day. I think this is my mind processing it all though?? Reminding me of the devastation - because those feelings just aren't with me anymore in RL. Thank bloody god

How long were you and Exh married for? Don't be too hard onm yourself - it just shows how deeply you felt and how worthy you were of a better and more loyal klind of love from your Ex.

It will get better - it's just a slow old process I suppose. I applied for Life Cover 2 days ago and had to go through everything that happened again, with some stranger on the phone. It set me back badly and my mind goes 'all wrong' (don't know how else to describe it) But I am back to normal today.

Bastard

Thank you all for your lovely messages.
We had been together for a long time, so I guess it all does take time.

Unlikelyamazonian - I know what you mean about the bad dreams - I used to have them all the time - incredibly upsetting. But rarely now - so I guess that's progress !

Hug things

Yeah, it goes on but it's a big life change; what can you expect? Puberty takes 5 years, menopause 7 years, kids 18 years!! Try to appreciate the learning part of it - and ease its path with wine, chocolate and good friends. You WILL feel wonderful soon, later!

I had my first dream of telling X#2 to fuck off last week! It's been 8 years [eek] - but then, in the same dream, I also told all the other fuckups who messed with my life the same thing.
It was a very good night's sleep

I'm 7 years on and I still have moments when I wish things had turned out differently.
I don't have any feelings for XP whatsoever anymore but I still have a lot of unresolved anger that I wasn't given a choice, he left me for OW and that was that -the end of one life and so I had to go and make a whole new life for me and the dc. Also to this day he has never once apologised or said he regretted what he did, even though OW turned out to be a monster who treated him like dirt. I see it that he must have really hated me if she was preferable to me.
I do often wonder "what if", what if he hadn't left - would we still be together now, how would the dc be, where would we be living etc etc.
I think it can take a long long time to really get over something like this and you should deal with it all at your own pace