Friends husband cheated on her.

[onlygirl]

She found out today and also that from this one night stand he has a 4 years old daughter. Apparently all of his family have known about this little girl but have had nothing really to do with her.

I dont know what to say to her tbh she has asked him to go saying she needs time, she said she could have forgiven the cheating but it is mainly the lying as she has asked about her numerous times but was told she was a nieces daughter.

What advise/help can I give her she was in floods of tears earlier.

wow your poor friend! no advice but bumping for you x

Poor poor woman! His family have known about this for the 4 years plus.. assuming they found out when she was PG.... and they have never said anything either?

Jeez, I'd dump the lot of them if it were me. They were all 'in on it'. I know what she means about the lying, it's that cold calculated deception that'd slay me too.

No advice really, just be there for her, listen to her and give her as much 'there-there' as she needs. She'll have to find her own way to the calmer space in her head, so she can work out what she can and can't accept, and then what she wants to do now and next.

The lying for me would be the death blow for my marriage and it is shocking that his family were involved in the cover up---they should have known the truth would be outed eventually.

Just be a friend and be there for this poor woman. She really needs support right now.
Be a shoulder for her to cry on and allow her to rant anad rave as much as she wants

The ultimate decision must be hers and she really has to work this out for herself.

You sound like a lovely friend to her [smie]

I honestly don't think I'd ever get over that, there's been far too much deception involved.

Don't know how you'd help her either, where's her head at? Has she mentioned ending the marriage for good or do you think she's swaying towards sticking with him?

When she first came over the first thing she said was " my marriage hasn't even lasted a year" His car and van were outside the house last night so I presume he never left like she asked.

I've not spoken to her today yet so I don't know what's happening but I don't want to be pestering her, I told her she can ring me or whatever so she knows i'm here.

Oh crap, he only married her about a year ago... and didn't think perhaps he ought to have sat her down and come clean?

his family didn't either?

You are a great friend, truly! There are few people as generous as you.

I suppose that if there is a silver lining to be found in all this, it's that she has found out the measure of her STB exH and his family in the first year. That she can get out and get on with a proper life with a proper husband and a decent family. In years to come she can look back on it and say that she didn't her entire life on him and his lousy crew.

As it's all still quite up in the air, there's nothing you can really do to be honest, the most you can do is just sit and listen and support while she works it all out for herself.

I mean you can give advice until you're arse turns purple and falls off but ultimately she will still do what she thinks is best

When she decides which avenue she wants to go down you could come back here and ask the 'wise ones' how best you can advise her then so as to help her along the way

Her son has found out now, He is 8 but all he heard was my friend telling him to leave. They were arguing and thought he was playing out with his friends. Her DS thinks its all her fault now and has said he hates her and loves his dad and wants him to stay.

They were supposed to go to marriage guidance on saturday but I haven't heard anything about that yet.