Oh thank you Wordweaver. Yes, I'd be really interested in that. Not sure though how you can put us in touch as I'm not registered for CAT? Yes, I've thought about the assumed name, but not having a clue about publishing generally, wasn't sure in these days of marketing and publicity, how that would allow me to protect my identity.
Great to hear from you Karmann and it really does sound as though you are making headway, as is your H. Keep posting.
Catwalker, I re-read your last post and meant to say earlier, that this resonated with me:
"I find it extremely disturbing to think I am married to someone who could create a situation which resulted in his children witnessing a violent and foul-mouthed tirade from the husband of his bit on the side."
In the very early days after discovery, when OW was claiming she had told her H, I feared terribly for our personal safety. I kept imagining an angry H was going to turn up at the house and expose our DCs to an ugly scene. OW was also hysterical when my H ended it and appeared to be deranged with grief, texting and phoning all the time - and sending great tomes on E mails. She told my H that her H had hit her when she had revealed all, but as was her wont, promptly forgot this lie and said in an E mail that in fact her H had been completely understanding.
We didn't know what to believe. We now have good reason to think that in fact she never did tell her H, but in those early days when it felt like new information was arriving all the time when I was still in shock, I tended to take everything at face value and believe all I was hearing.
I remember really fearing for our safety and this made me incredibly angry that my H had exposed us to this. It all added to the feelings of utter disbelief - how on earth could this be happening to us?
Later on, OW started posting really nasty stuff on the internet, including some horrible stuff about our young DD, whom she had never met. My H's instinct then was to drive to her house and confront her, even if it meant blowing her cover with her H and putting him at risk of the H's anger. I was undecided about this, fearing that this might set off a chain of events that would expose the whole situation, something I really wouldn't have been comfortable with at that time. It also felt like we were going to be in the middle of a Jeremy Kyle type of scenario and I find those sort of dramatics repugnant.
We decided to consult H's counsellor, who was of the view that OW was behaving like a tantrumming child and that she was best ignored. She also felt that any contact with the OW should be by both of us, so that she could see we were acting as a team. Overall though, she advised against it, unless there were repeated attacks.
Again though, I felt renewed anger that I had been exposed to the deranged and vicious rantings of this appalling woman and I reacted with venom and disgust at my H for his terrible judgement. The counsellor thought this was quite normal, but pointed out that this was just what the OW wanted, to drive a wedge between us. She made some allegations too on these sites that fortunately, I was able to completely disprove and this helped me to treat her words with derision - and to see her agenda.
Even though I could see the sense of what the counsellor was saying at the time, we both feel with hindsight that we got this wrong and that my H should have challenged the OW. It would certainly have brought me some closure and I still feel angry about her attack on a defenceless and wholly innocent child.
So I understand why you feel so very angry about what your H exposed you to. I suspect that violent angry scenes have mercifully been rare occurrences in your life and you must have been in shock about this as much as anything. It must have been horrible for you.