Could you have predicted which of your friends/relatives would split up?

[NormaSnorks]

I know it's easy to say this in hindsight, but I often feel as if it was obvious (to me, and others) which relationships weren't going to stand the test of time. When it happens, it's not a surprise...

So,

• the work mate of DH's who was always a tosser, and has now upped sticks to go and 'find himself', leaving his wife and 2 daughters
• my dear uni friend, and her husband, who were childhood sweethearts, married at 22 but never had kids (he didn't want any) but then he buggers off at 45 with a 30 yr old to start a family
• my neighbour, who every school holiday took the kids back to her home country for up to 15 weeks a year, without her DH, and has now decided to leave him & the kids and stay there .

Could you or have you predicted which of your friends will split?
I'm not judging by the way, I just find it interesting when it happens, and so many people say "well, it was inevitable, wasn't it..?"

Is it a case that 'Love is Blind' or is it just 'post-rationalisation' do you think?

3weeksnadcounting - you're not alone in your thoughts. Sorry OP - I think it's a bit of a strange thread, especially when posted right bang in the middle of a board when people are fighting to save their marriages and are very aware that those around them are gossiping and commenting. Seems a shame that even here, there are those who are happy to speculate on other peoples marraiges.

Everyone predicted mine wouldn't last! The shortest odds were on 6 months, but I should have bet on 6 hours and stuck to it ...

I don't predict couples will split up because you can never tell who'll decide to hang in there, even if the marriage is bad. These days, I'm very good at spotting disrespect between partners - and cheer if they do split

The reasons couples stay together or end up divorcing are as varied and complex as life itself. With some obvious exceptions (and we all know of a couple who were "wrong" from the get go) the chances of a couple staying together are as much down to luck and what life throws at them and their ability to cope with that as it is about their being suited to each other.

Might sound a bit bleak to some, but it actually cheers me a bit, becuase I dont think there is any magic formula, just lots of luck, love and respect mixed together.

Thread is only smug if you're speculating from the "it will never happen to us" viewpoint - and I'm not sure anyone would be so foolhardy these days.

SassyBeast - I think if everyone avoiding posting something which might possibly upset someone else, somewhere on MN then the site would pretty much close down immediately.

I'm sure everyone has these thoughts privately at times, and it just seemed like an interesting discussion i.e. is it every predictable?

FWIW, a good (?) friend of mine's DH openly (& rudely!) speculated that DH & I would be the first to get divorced - on the basis that I'd 'had quite a few boyfriends' before I got married . I pointed out that perhaps that would mean that I'd seen what was on offer, and wouldn't get itchy feet later!

We're still together, and have our ups & downs I guess like everyone!

Norma is some prat said that in front of me and about me, he would no longer be a friend of mine that's for sure!

I've been divorced and I think it came as a complete shock to some but no surprise to others!

A couple I know have just seperated and until 2 years ago, when the wife revealed that they were having problems, I thought that they were a "perfect couple", seemed to agree about everything, sorted in their jobs, just nice people. Now I realise that that's just how they appearred, it wasn't really like that at all.

Not sure what people would say about me and dp, I had an affair with him whilst ending my marriage and tbh we are very different people but I have no doubt that we love each other though I worry that at sometime in the future our differences will outweigh this iyswim.