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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Not sure my marriage is working

2 replies

howtoleave · 19/05/2010 05:19

And I honestly don't know what to do about it.

I have name changed for this.

My head is so full of whatifs I can't think straight.

We live abroad however may be coming back to the UK in August. This move back will be blamed on me (even in jest) for the rest of my days. I am not happy where we live now and believe we'd be better off either as a family or me with DS alone in the UK.

I suffered abuse as a child so intimacy is difficult for me. This frustrates my husband.

He drinks a lot, won't talk to me and often shuts down.

I love him but I am not sure I am in love with him.

I feel like everything is a mess and I am not even sure if our marriage is over. We are good together but when things go wrong it is shit and those wrong times are getting more and more frequent.

I just don't know if I want to spend the rest of my days feeling so shitty albeit not all of the time.

I am not sure what I am asking for from you guys. I suppose a need to put my thoughts onto paper.

Sorry to ramble.

OP posts:

Kathyjelly · 19/05/2010 05:43

The feeling shit when things going wrong thing is normal, but your dh refusing to talk to you isn't. How are you supposed to fix whatever it wrong?

Why do you want to come home? Something specific? Will things get easier in the uk, more friends and family to support you or do you want to come home because you expect to end up single and need to be on home soil to deal with it? From your name I'm guessing that might be it, in which case what he thinks about coming home doesn't really matter does it.

ClaudiaSchiffer · 19/05/2010 06:10

howtoleave it seems that you and your dh have some very complex issues to cope with individually (his drinking and emotional coldness and your legacy of an abusive childhood) which are making your relationship untenable. Is there some way that these issues can be tackled separately?

If you want to come home then you need to be clear with him that it is for the benefit of you all as a family and you will not be blamed for your decision. It does sound as if you love him but are having a tough time together. Can you get access to marriage guidance where you live?

Flip