I only ever seem to comment on here to ask for help, but you are all such wonderful people, that this has become the first place I think of to come when I feel a little lost & in need of help.
Anyway, dp & I have been having problems for a while. We've been together for just over 3 & a half years, and have 2 dc - ds is 2 and dd is 4.5 months (and absolutely yummy!). Dp gets angry very quickly, and it's now getting to the point where I can't cope with his tempers anymore, and I don't know what to do. It only takes something very small for him to lose his temper, today for example he:
-almost slipped over on some leaflets that were on our bedroom floor, so he swore (very loudly you understand, not just under his breath) and threw the leaflets down the stairs, when I was stood at the bottom holding dd (although to be fair, he didn't know we were there - but still)
-he and ds were upstairs & ds said he needed the toilet. I was on the phone downstairs, so when dp shouted down that ds needed to use the toilet I asked him to sort it. Turns out dp was on the toilet at the time, so he got angry because I had asked him to do it.
-he had work booked off for today because I had a presentation at college o do & had nobody to look after the dc's. Dd is, very whingy demanding, and tends to cry quite a lot. This morning as we were all getting ready, dd was sitting in her bouncer & started crying, but because dp was using the laptop to do something, instead of just putting the laptop down and sorting her out, he just kept stuffing her dummy in her mouth, and when she kept taking it out he started to get angry. He told her to shut up, swore & shouted, and said (& I quote) "I'm definitely going to need a box of fags if I've got to look after these two brats all day". Not on, I think you'll agree.
He cannot cope with dd crying at ALL, she never settles when with him, and to me it's blatantly obvious it's because whenever he has her, he ends up getting stressed out & sticking her back in her chair. Ds is a handful too, and dp shouts & swears at him several times a day. He threatens him with smacks, and although he never actually carries the threats out, it's really upsetting for me to hear it. He calls him names too, not just silly names, but really nasty names
He is absolutely shocking to me, when he's had a drink (which is another big problem) he turns into the most vile, nasty man I've ever known. The things he says to me are said with such hatred in his voice.
After todays events, I asked him to leave, and he did start to sort his things out, but then stormed out & came back with beers from the shop. Now he's asleep on the chair after 2 cans.
I really don't know what to do. I know I'm not perfect, I do get on his back a lot about going to the pub & drinking, but I'm trying to deal with it. A lot of my problems are caused by PND, which I'm taking anti-depressants for, and slowly they are beginning to work, and I am trying to chill out a little, but he seems to be showing no signs of changing, or trying to change.
There has been so much more, but it would take me a loooong time to write down everything. I also found out yesterday that around a year ago after we had had a row (when I was pg with dd) and he had stormed out, he had gone to one of my closest friends (I knew that) and after talking to her for a while he tried to kiss her. This has killed me to find out, as I'm sure you can imagine.
Writing all of that down has made me think "what the fuck are you doing with him", and to be honest,I really don't know anymore. He lies to me, tries to control me, constantly asks for sex which I just don't want at the moment (understandable - I think?!) and is just generally a wanker, but hwhen we do have fun together, it's great. I lost my virginity to him, he's my first serious relationship, and I've always imagined spending the rest of my life with him. How naive.
I don't really know what I'm wanting people to say,m but writing all of that down has certaintly helped, I don't feel that there is anybody 'in real life' I can speak to, so it feels good to get it off my chest. If you've read this far, well done & thankyou.