getting back in touch with friends

[ItsGraceAgain]

I think I'll need some moral support with this. Thanks to this incredible forum (psychologist can't believe how much I'm getting from you all!), I'm probably about ready to try making contact with friends I haven't seen for almost a decade. I'm scared!

I have hooked up on Facebook with those who are members - that felt quite brave! - but still done nothing about any meaninful contact. Some people were staggeringly generous to me in my worst times. They gave me money, time, love and hospitality. I am not in a position to repay them (except with love) and the 'shame' I feel over it has stopped me letting them know I still care.

Posting this thread is my effort at making a commitment. Anybody's welcome to share their own efforts, of course. [Takes deep breath ...]

just sending you a hug for your courage xx

I think maybe starting with a message to say something along the lines of

'just wanted to say thankyou for all the help you gave me all those years ago. I'm now (or still) getting help for these issues and wanted to let you know I am grateful that you were there when I needed you. Would love to hear how/what you are doing now love ItsGraceAgain'

Start with a thank you and ask them about them (rather than giving too much information about you) so you are sounding like you a) appreciate the effort they put in then and b) that you are interested in their lives and how they are doing. IYSWIM

Short messages are best as well - no more than 4 or 5 lines. Long ones can be overwhelming and seem too needy at first.

People I think in general don't want repaying for stuff. They want to know you are grateful for things/want a thankyou adn to know that you are interested in their life and their stuff as they were in yours.

Hi Grace, wow you have come a long way, well done you x

I don't know a lot about your history, only you know that stuff along with those that showed you kindness in the past x

So you have decided to make the committment to reconnecting with folk from the past and have already, that is amazingly brave of you x

What is scaring you the most Grace the shame of your behaviour in the past or not having money to repay them, or something else?

Grace, if people gave you time, love, money and hospitality, they were good people then who thought well of you, I can't see anything changing in them?

I wish you much luck x

facebook has been my first foray back into the real world.

I have a rule to keep it light and bright, only ever any more info on private messages or instant chat.

I am up to 92 friends...all real. People have missed me. That's nice and makes me realise how bizarre my existence has been in my marriage.

Some of my friends are my best mates from school....thirty years ago. It's lovely to see the twists and turns of everyone's lives.

Grace - what a brave and positive step to be taking....

That you feel ready - although understandably scared- says that you must have enough acceptance ,high regard and positivity about yourself to ensure a rewarding experience.

You come across on your posts as the kind of woman a friend would be delighted to reconnect with.....

Your insightful support and observations are always sensitively expressed and with a remeasuring and gentle calmness- you do seem very grounded and "real"....

I am sure this will be the start of another positive ,upward stage of your journey

Grace - what a brave and positive step to be taking....

That you feel ready - although understandably scared- says that you must have enough acceptance ,high regard and positivity about yourself to ensure a rewarding experience.

You come across on your posts as the kind of woman a friend would be delighted to reconnect with.....

Your insightful support and observations are always sensitively expressed and with a remeasuring and gentle calmness- you do seem very grounded and "real"....

I am sure this will be the start of another positive ,upward stage of your journey

What a great thread to see

I came on to post and say I am going to write a letter to my old best friend from school, who I lost touch with when I was with XP (Grace I recognise you from the NPD thread, so thank you for your help there - I know I didn't post much, but I lurked and that thread was what made me leave)

I really miss my friend. I can't add her on facebook because she has deleted her page. I have no idea if her old email address is valid and I don't want to be waiting if she doesn't reply wondering if she got it and is ignoring me or whether she never got it at all, so I decided to send her a letter via her mum (who I assume still lives in the same place!) I saw a picture of her on a friend's facebook page and it physically hurt, so I am writing the letter today. I don't know what to say yet but I am hoping it will just come out on the page!

I have got in touch with a few others via facebook and it has been wonderful Go for it!

Grace - just do it.

I have made contact with school friends that I haven't seen for 20 years.

Did this since H left, I don't know why but it felt the right thing to do.

Our lives changed when we all went to University and we lost touch.

My H never liked them when we were at school together, said they were (his words) 'common and trashy'

They know my situation, I have e-mailed (found one of them on FB initially). Another I met for lunch a few months ago, she contacted me on FR.

I have arranged a get together in a couple of months time and I'm really looking forward to it.

Oh, thanks for the encouragement! BB, what a coincidence - please let us know if you manage to get in touch with your pal. Mum restarted her childhood friendship after 40 years of silence; they've been close again ever since.

I'm still bottling out. But I'm going to write letters - the old-fashioned sort, on paper. I'll keep them light and short - which I probably wouldn't have done without your good advice.

More deep breaths ... !

well done Grace! I don't know much about your situation, sorry, but I think you are obviously taking a big step here.

Old-fashioned letters - maybe notelets - I can recommend these Brush Dance ones - they have lovely messages which can in themselves say more than you, sometimes. My favourites are:
BD2581. A woman is like a teabag, you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.
BD2114. I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile I keep dancing

There are lots of others on that website too - this is the friends/relations cards page

I hope you'll find one or more that suit your friends - and I'm sure they'll be very happy to receive them. If you pick a good message for the front of the card, you can keep the inside even shorter - "thanks for being there for me, I am forever grateful and in your debt. Hope to hear from you soon" - or something like that.

Good luck with it