God it's such a long story! She's very difficult, will never answer questions about dh's past,there is a lot he doesn't know. Anyway he asked her a question while we were checking in her and dd1, just an innocent one. She went mad, saying she refused to answer loaded questions like that blah blah blah. Then dh says but i only wanted your opinion, I am your son I should be able to ask your advice. She said I have no son, you are a grown man now. The dh tries to apologise to her (which imo he had no reason to do but didn't want to make things worse) and she just started shouting at him. I at this point got a bit fed up and said that he was trying to apologise and couldn't she just leave it there, at which point she turned to me and said to keep out of it as I am always stirring things (?!) THEN told me and dh to leave her and dd alone. Obviously I told her no way she is my daughter etc etc. Anyway I left her and dh to sort it out, dd comes round the corner in floods of tears after seeing all this, followed by dh and the poison dwarf. She made a half hearted attempt to apologise, but tried to add a big but onto the end, as if I had done somethign to justify her outburst. So I told her that quite frankly I wasn't interested, that she should be ashamed of herself, that I have spent 15 years trying to keep the peace between her and dh, not to mention trying to undue all the damage she did to him in the past. She spat back that I was all about revenge, and when I asked what that was supposed to mean she mentioned my dad! I haven't seen my dad since I was 9, so what she means by that I have no idea. So then she instructs dh that I am not to come to the airport next week to collect dd, but I overheard this and said I will not be told by you what I can and cannot do, but she should be aware that when dd returns she is not going to have any more contact with her or the others (not that she cares about any but dd1) and not to contact us again. She was saying a lot of things that were completely unnecessary and spiteful, and I suddenyl had enough after 15 years. So as a last retort I yelled after her that she was a poisonous witch. Was furious that she was trying to stop me saying goodbye to my daughter too btw.
Personally I didn't want dd to go after that, I thought she was v wrong to start all that in front of her, and maybe I shouldn't have reacted, but I couldnt bear to see dh being treated like that again. Earlier in the day she was making comments too, but as usual I let it pass, but not any more. She is the only person I know who can comment on how close a family we are and make it sound like a bad thing. She doesn't believe there is anythign wrong with ds2 (who has cp) and when dh mentioned that he may also have sensory problems or mild asd (under investigation) she just made some other throw away comments about us keeping our children too cossetted, that she had seen autistic children in her village and ds was not like that. How stupid she is. Argh it's making me shake with anger just thinking about it all. And dd called us tonight to say she had arrived sounding v shaky poor thing. Then told dh that milfrom hell had told her she couldnt speak to us every day because of the cost! It's only Ireland not Thailand! We told her to call us whenever she wants.
As you can tell I am still boiling about this, and the hurt she always causes when she visits. We have tried for the kids sake to ignore this trait in her but it's impossible now.